I will ask you over 7 sexuality questions.
The first is what did you learn about your sex from your parents? What did you learn about sex from your school or religion or peers?Was this sex positive or where you taught at sex was in some ways dirty, only for procreation or sinful in some way.
Or did your parents never talk about sex?Do you still carry some of these beliefs deep down in your body? Do you want to continue to believe these sex negative ideas? Let us look at one attitude that society generally holds about sexuality.
A man that has many girlfriends is usually looked up to and considered a stud.
A woman that loves sex and has many lovers is considered a slut.
Our society generally does not support the idea that pleasure is good.
A lot of sex negative conditioning has come from religion.
Many people with religious upbringing have been taught to feel a lot of guilt about sex and their body.
Many of us when self pleasuring when little were taught that this was real bad.
This told us to reject pleasure and the body.
Women often admit to me that they feel guilty when it comes to having sex.
They feel they are doing something wrong and feel bad about it.
It can take a lot of work to change these beliefs.
The result of these beliefs is clearly illustrated in the Catholic Church.
Many priests have abused children causing untold harm.
The Catholic Church also does not support the use of condoms in African nations where AIDS is a huge problem.
The result of this policy is that are AIDS is increasing in Africa and the lack of condom use will result in many more people suffering and dying.
Most of us have never really thought much about our sexual upbringing.
I find the following exercise for couples can be a real eye opener.
I you are single; just write down your thoughts about each question.
Sexuality Tantra Partner Exercise Take 20 minutes each and discuss the following questions with your partner without any discussion.
Just listen to your partner tell their story.
Question 1: List all verbal and non-verbal messages you received from your mom about sex.
(No message is a message.
) Question 2: List all verbal and non-verbal messages you received from your dad about sex.
Question 3: How do you think your mom felt about sex? What about her early life and family of origin that led to her feeling and believing as she did? Question 4: How do you think your dad felt about sex? What about his early life and family of origin that led to his feeling and believing as he did? Question 5: What messages did you get about sex from others (siblings, friends, etc.
) when you were growing up? And in what way? i.
e.
magazines, verbally, movies, etc.
Question 6: Do you fill some guilt about self pleasuring? Question 7: Do you still feel your full potential of your sexuality is being hindered by beliefs you picked up when you where younger? I believe must of us have some aspect of shame around our sexuality.
One result of shame that is stored in our body is the inability to totally let go in sex.
This can result in many women having difficulty in having deep, orgasmic experiences.
A good question is 'Have you masturbated in front of your lover".
If you are totally comfortable in your body and sexuality, self pleasuring with your lover would be a joy.
Oral sex can bring up a lot of issues about body disgust.
Many women love a man to perform oral sex on them but have difficulty doing oral sex on the man.
I often ask the question about shame and making sexual noises.
Most guys do not think they have any body or sexual shame.
I then ask them if they express their sexual energy with sounds.
Most men do not make many sounds.
I then ask them if their inability to express themselves sexually is due to some aspect of shame.
Making noise during sex is a turn-on as the sexual energy is expressed in the sounds.
It really is a key to where you are is in the sexual turn on cycle.
When we open up our mouths to let erotic sound out, we allow the energy and pleasure to be transported through us.
We activate the throat chakra energy system.
The energy can now flow right through your body instead of being restricted at the pelvis.
It also allows the pelvis to relax when we make sounds.
When we don't relax our genitals, pleasure is contained.
Opening up the throat tends to make our pelvis open up and gives rise to the possibility of full body orgasms.
Our shame about our sexuality holds us back from making sounds.
We can feel embarrassed, not looking good or looking too sexy and fear of letting go.
We are blocking and missing out on more and more pleasure and energy and the possibility of full body orgasms.
Sounds from our belly can lead to full body, multiple orgasms.
And our partners want us to also to be in deep sexual pleasure! If you feel more pleasure and express it, your partner will feel you more too.
Let's look at several other issues that effect sexuality.
One of the most common is that most couples are just too busy to find much time to connect.
There is simply not enough time to be relaxed and awake in our busy lifestyle.
However, this can be changed if the couple makes a commitment to find the time for intimacy and sexuality each week.
How much time do you watch TV or DVDs each week? Another issue that affects sexuality is many of us feel we need to stay in control of our emotions to feel safe.
No one wants the risk of getting hurt.
Many women have trouble having orgasms because they do not let go fully.
They want to stay in control.
Many have buried emotions that we do not want to fully feel.
If we let go these buried emotions surface, we push them away.
Controlling emotions and not being emotionally vulnerable really puts a barrier to truly feeling the magic of sex.
In my experience, fully feeling my negative emotions was a key to fully feeling the positive emotions of joy, bliss and love.
Letting the negative emotions flow allows them to dissipate.
Conscious sex can also be used to release these emotions.
I still remember crying each time I made love several years ago.
We will do a practice around sexual healing in the practice sessions later.
Bodywork and other therapies can enable these stored emotions to be released.
Past sexual abuse is a huge problem in our society.
The effects of abuse can last a whole life time.
I had a friend that would sit in a coffee shop so he could see the door.
He wanted to feel safe and to be able to see if his past abuser walked in the door.
This was 30 years after the abuse occurred.