8 Warning Signs That An Argument Has Gotten Too Hot
When an argument begins, it may be just a discussion.
Then one person has a negative reaction and responds in a harsh way.
The other person becomes defensive and perhaps raises his or her voice.
The first person becomes indignant at the other's response and gets even louder.
The argument begins to escalate into in your face confrontations, finger pointing, blaming, swearing, and insulting.
If the intensity keeps rising, physical violence may be the next step - pushing, slapping, punching or much worse.
When couples are in the throes of a heated argument, it is difficult to negotiate anything positive at that moment.
Positive interactions and ways to handle intense disagreements must be laid out and set up in advance.
In the heat of an argument, your prefrontal cortex, your rational mind, may not be in control.
When emotions are raging, the rational approach may be pushed aside in favor of a forceful, controlling and inappropriate response.
Warning signs that an argument is heating up too quickly and too intensely include the following:
When one partner begins to feel that the intensity is becoming too strong, that person calls a time out and actually leaves the space.
This person walks out of the room or leaves the apartment for a specific period of time.
The format of the time out needs to be set up in advance.
but gives each person a few moments to cool down and reflect upon the situation.
Women often struggle within the relationship, trying to make sense of it, trying to make it work - often without adequate skills.
Men tend to suffer less during these emotional outbursts, assuming that this is just the way it is.
Men tend to suffer more after the relationship ends, when they wish they had done things differently, they feel remorseful and they long for another chance to improve.
What is the solution? Improve your relationship now, before it's too late.
Make the needed changes in attitude, thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations, words, tone of voice, breathing, posturing and your vision for the relationships - now.
Then one person has a negative reaction and responds in a harsh way.
The other person becomes defensive and perhaps raises his or her voice.
The first person becomes indignant at the other's response and gets even louder.
The argument begins to escalate into in your face confrontations, finger pointing, blaming, swearing, and insulting.
If the intensity keeps rising, physical violence may be the next step - pushing, slapping, punching or much worse.
When couples are in the throes of a heated argument, it is difficult to negotiate anything positive at that moment.
Positive interactions and ways to handle intense disagreements must be laid out and set up in advance.
In the heat of an argument, your prefrontal cortex, your rational mind, may not be in control.
When emotions are raging, the rational approach may be pushed aside in favor of a forceful, controlling and inappropriate response.
Warning signs that an argument is heating up too quickly and too intensely include the following:
- Attitudes - An attitude of I am right and you are wrong is sure to spark angry responses.
- Thoughts - The thought that this other person is an idiot, stupid, incompetent or purposely doing this.
- Emotions - Anxiety, Fear, Sadness, Depression, Shame, Guilt, Superiority, Inferiority, Hostility
- Bodily Sensations - Knot in stomach, pain in neck, twinge in lower back, loss of voice
- Words - Insulting, Demeaning, Shaming, Blaming, Embarrassing, Cricizing, Ridiculing, Intimidating
- Tone of Voice - Loud, Harsh, Raspy, High Pitched, Droning, Boring, Very Low, Silent
- Breathing - Shallow, Quick and Forceful, Upper Chest Breathing, Restricted Breathing
- Posturing - Standing tall and in your face, Shrinking into a small space, Making a fist
When one partner begins to feel that the intensity is becoming too strong, that person calls a time out and actually leaves the space.
This person walks out of the room or leaves the apartment for a specific period of time.
The format of the time out needs to be set up in advance.
but gives each person a few moments to cool down and reflect upon the situation.
Women often struggle within the relationship, trying to make sense of it, trying to make it work - often without adequate skills.
Men tend to suffer less during these emotional outbursts, assuming that this is just the way it is.
Men tend to suffer more after the relationship ends, when they wish they had done things differently, they feel remorseful and they long for another chance to improve.
What is the solution? Improve your relationship now, before it's too late.
Make the needed changes in attitude, thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations, words, tone of voice, breathing, posturing and your vision for the relationships - now.
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