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What You Can Really Expect From a Go at Marriage Counseling

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When any one person brings it up, the other takes it to mean that the problems they have, has gone completely out of hand and things are so bad that outside intervention is their only hope. It wouldn't be a problem is both husband and wife were to think of marriage counselling at the same time; if it is just one one of them has the notion to see things this way, things can get heated at first. One of the partners usually suffers silently, hopeless of a way out. Things come to such a pass that they reach the end of their tether one day and throw in the towel. That's when the other person realizes that 'Hey!, things aren't as under control as I imagined'. Things don't have to go that far before you start working on them. If you know the signs and recognize a problem when it's growing, you could probably easily fix everything with a little bit of open discussion. Once things come to this pass though, nothing other than marriage counseling and deep commitment to it will help.

A psychologist who conducts marriage counseling sessions certainly has his job cut out for him. To begin with, no counselor can just hear one side of the story and draw any conclusions. They need to hear both sides, and they need to work out the contradictions there are in each version. The best marriage counseling sessions start off with individual counseling time given to each person. Both partners come together, but they go inside to the counselor one at a time to be able to freely unload every burden. Once the counselor has a fair idea of the problems that ails a relationship, he feels able to provide the input that is expected of him.

The input of course can only come in a follow-up session. The counselor does need time to be able to ruminate on everything he's heard - to work out any discrepancies there may be in the stories he's heard. He'll need time to formulate exactly the right kinds questions he will need to pick out the contradictions in the stories they present, to right their perceptions. That's quite a job, and it will take time. Things begin to crystallize better in the second session usually when the counselor pulls up for examination every contradiction he has found and tries to get each partner to get their stories to be consistent.

No marriage counseling session can actually fix a marriage by itself though. It can only give a couple the tools they need to do it themselves. Whatever area of controversy most affects a couple - disagreements to do with housework, money, mutual affection or anything, the couple needs to work it out before the counselor. The marriage counselor can be the referee, and the guide. He can rarely come in with a magic pill.

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