Co-Parenting - Choose Your Parenting Battles Wisely With Your Ex-Spouse
Co-parenting can be one of the toughest adjustments to be made after a divorce.
What is co-parenting? Well, it's developing a way that you and your ex-spouse can work together in parenting your mutual children.
Just because you aren't married anymore, doesn't mean you aren't Johnny or Mary's parents.
A great rule of thumb in co-parenting is to remember that the rules in your separate household do NOT have to b e identical.
A lot of parents get too caught up in this battle of the rules.
They just turn it into another marital argument even though you're no longer married.
Accepting the fact that you have no control over what happens at the other parent's house (outside of blatantly abusive behaviors) is a very difficult concept for many people to grasp.
But, the sooner you do, the better.
Even though you may be furious with your ex-spouse and justifiably so, it behooves you to learn how to get along when it comes to parenting your children.
The only people who get hurt when you carry these arguments on and on are your children.
They become pawns in a never-ending battle for control.
And to be quite blunt - that behavior can "mess them up" for the rest of their lives.
So, if the rules don't have to be identical, how do you w work together without confusing a child? The compromise is to agree on overall parenting themes.
For example, doing well in school is a theme.
One of you may make the rule that the child is to do their homework as soon as they get home from school and then they can play.
The other aren't may disagree with this, and allow the child for play and after dinner work on homework.
The main issue here is not the when.
The main issue is that the homework needs to get done and both of you, in this scenario are making sure that happens.
I encourage you to stop and think before you react to a rule at your ex-spouse's house.
Don't focus so much on it not being how you'd handle it.
Focus on what the overall goal is.
Is that goal ultimately being achieved with the rule your es-spouse is using.
If so, let it go!
What is co-parenting? Well, it's developing a way that you and your ex-spouse can work together in parenting your mutual children.
Just because you aren't married anymore, doesn't mean you aren't Johnny or Mary's parents.
A great rule of thumb in co-parenting is to remember that the rules in your separate household do NOT have to b e identical.
A lot of parents get too caught up in this battle of the rules.
They just turn it into another marital argument even though you're no longer married.
Accepting the fact that you have no control over what happens at the other parent's house (outside of blatantly abusive behaviors) is a very difficult concept for many people to grasp.
But, the sooner you do, the better.
Even though you may be furious with your ex-spouse and justifiably so, it behooves you to learn how to get along when it comes to parenting your children.
The only people who get hurt when you carry these arguments on and on are your children.
They become pawns in a never-ending battle for control.
And to be quite blunt - that behavior can "mess them up" for the rest of their lives.
So, if the rules don't have to be identical, how do you w work together without confusing a child? The compromise is to agree on overall parenting themes.
For example, doing well in school is a theme.
One of you may make the rule that the child is to do their homework as soon as they get home from school and then they can play.
The other aren't may disagree with this, and allow the child for play and after dinner work on homework.
The main issue here is not the when.
The main issue is that the homework needs to get done and both of you, in this scenario are making sure that happens.
I encourage you to stop and think before you react to a rule at your ex-spouse's house.
Don't focus so much on it not being how you'd handle it.
Focus on what the overall goal is.
Is that goal ultimately being achieved with the rule your es-spouse is using.
If so, let it go!
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