What if your school bully ended up being your first kiss? In a true story from Driftwood, Drew Tarr remembers being chased home from school by the same group of boys, until one day he was caught in the unexpected:

"I had five blocks to run, and four boys to outrun. Brandon, the cutest of the boys, would snatch me by the hood and jettison my body into any available trash can. On the last day of school, only Brandon would follow.

This time, he pulled me by the collar as I stared at his flat top and perfectly round lips. His next words would change everything: 'You’ll be a cutie, someday.' An awkward kiss and playful slap would follow."

Romance or Retreat?

Sounds like the telling of a romance novel, but that was the last time Drew saw Brandon (or at least that Brandon). What Drew noticed later, as an adult, was that his relationships was with men still had him running for the nearest stoop, only to be pulled back with unexpected affection. He wasn't being thrown against piles of New York trash, but when it came to men, he was living in a heap of mixed messages.

Repeated Patterns

Drew goes on: "I’d been dating a guy, who at 6'6 to my 5'10 was very tall, to say the least. He was charming and dirty/handsome in the unshaven but tee-shirt-ironing-way. I unimaginatively nicknamed him TB, which he said reminded him of the disease. At our best, he would come over with tall Steel Reserves and I would sit on his lap to share a beer and eat sweet Waffles from around the corner.

At our worst, weeks would go by without anything as a text message from him or a sign that he existed. The closer we got, the farther he drifted.

"You see, nothing had changed. Years of make-out partners and steady boyfriends were no different than Brandon. Gay men had yet to find a better way of expressing their feelings for me."

Who's In Control?

Was it TB's tall Reserves that had Drew going back for more sweet waffles, or was it Drew's comfort with the "tug, release and affection" patterns of part-time prospects that had him wanting more? At some point Drew's going to have to stop running, turn around and see that, unlike middle school, he's now in control. I'd be willing to bet that he did turn out to be a cutie as Brandon predicted. Now, he just needs to see for himself that the strength of a man doesn't always lay in the hands of a bully. (More of Drew's story at I'm From Driftwood.)