Overcoming infidelity in marriage is difficult and the pain is unbearable at times. It's hard not to cry and just wonder why did this have to happen to us? If you are like most folks I know you are probably thinking about the things you could have done differently to prevent infidelity in your marriage.

I believe the first thought that comes to mind when the affair is uncovered is "I'm going to strangle him or her". Then common sense takes over and the next thought is "I'll divorce him or her".

I can't sugar coat this marital issue because there is no getting around the hurt, anger, disappointment and desire to make your cheating spouse pay. The problem is that although your heart has been broken and your wedding covenant trampled upon, divorce is the last thing you should be thinking about.

So what's there to do besides kicking your spouse out and preparing for divorce? Quite a few things and below I've listed some of them.

Overcoming Infidelity in Marriage

Take Control Of Your Marriage - You have been knocked off your feet by your spouses selfish actions. It was wrong and regardless of the problems in your marriage, infidelity was not the right choice to make. You have the right to be sad and in mourning because you have lost something very near and dear to you, your marriage. It's not dead but it's in a crisis state.

But now the ball is in your court. Your spouse and family need you now more than ever before. It's you who will most likely decide if your marriage continues. So you will need to control the next steps and I've outline some things others have found helpful in getting beyond the affair.

• Make sure your spouse understands that the affair must be ended immediately.

• No future contact can occur with the other person.

• Figuring out what details you want to know about the affair.

• Determining who else you want to know about the affair. Who should your spouse confess the affair to (parents, siblings, children).

• Setting some ground rules for the relationship to move forward.

• Figuring out how your cheating spouse can begin to earn your trust back.

• Create a marriage environment that prevents another affair from happening.

Allow Healing After Infidelity in Marriage - It's important to learn how to deal with your anger and pain in ways that will help your marriage and also your physical and mental health.

First off, don't let the thoughts about the infidelity that's wrecked your marriage consume you. Don't punish yourself by thinking about it all day and night. Get those pictures out of your mind of your spouse and the other person sleeping together. Limit the time each day you spend on wrestling with your emotions and thoughts.

Next, make sure you are clear in sharing your feelings with your spouse and ensure that he or she knows exactly what you need and expect if your marriage is to continue.

Clearly, overcoming infidelity in marriage is difficult but it's not impossible. Divorce is only inevitable if you allow it to be.