Wedding and Marriage Planning Blues - Don"t Escalate As You Plan a Perfect Wedding and Marriage
Everyone fights their way through the wedding planning process, unless one person just abdicates all responsibility for the wedding plans.
But chances are that's worth a fight in and of itself.
So just as you're planning the ceremony that will tie you together for the rest of your life, you'll find yourself gritting your teeth as you talk to your sweetie beloved.
It's not uncommon, but it's not necessary.
And what's really not necessary, but most of us have done from time to time, is to escalate the fight.
You both need to be committed to a fair fight.
Once you move the fighting from a discussion to a rant, once you hear yourself shouting, it's time to take a deep breath.
It's important to remember:
Breathe.
Exhale and then inhale.
Oxygen's what you need to get you started on the road to better thinking.
It's easy when you're in the midst of wedding planning to brush these behaviors aside and think that you'll deal with it later.
But raging at one another is something that needs to be dealt with right now.
Rage isn't good for you, and it isn't good for your partner.
If you resort to range, you will shut your partner up.
If your partner resorts to rage you're not going to want to participate, let alone challenge in the decision-making.
If this is a pattern, get help.
Find role models who deal tenderly and respectfully with one another.
Find a counselor.
Talk to your parents and friends.
Talk to one another.
Talk about the importance of effective problem solving in your wedding ceremony.
Commit to it in your wedding vows.
And then find a way to live in marriage without rage.
You'll live in marriage a lot longer and a lot happier without it.
And in the long run, you'll have far fewer fights!
But chances are that's worth a fight in and of itself.
So just as you're planning the ceremony that will tie you together for the rest of your life, you'll find yourself gritting your teeth as you talk to your sweetie beloved.
It's not uncommon, but it's not necessary.
And what's really not necessary, but most of us have done from time to time, is to escalate the fight.
You both need to be committed to a fair fight.
Once you move the fighting from a discussion to a rant, once you hear yourself shouting, it's time to take a deep breath.
It's important to remember:
- No one else made you this angry, you let yourself become this angry.
- When you're that angry, you're not breathing and you're not thinking, you're attacking.
- When you're that angry, you're likely to do something or say something that will wound your partner, potentially forever.
- When you're that angry, you are not looking to resolve the problem, you're looking to crush your opponent, uh, beloved.
Breathe.
Exhale and then inhale.
Oxygen's what you need to get you started on the road to better thinking.
It's easy when you're in the midst of wedding planning to brush these behaviors aside and think that you'll deal with it later.
But raging at one another is something that needs to be dealt with right now.
Rage isn't good for you, and it isn't good for your partner.
If you resort to range, you will shut your partner up.
If your partner resorts to rage you're not going to want to participate, let alone challenge in the decision-making.
If this is a pattern, get help.
Find role models who deal tenderly and respectfully with one another.
Find a counselor.
Talk to your parents and friends.
Talk to one another.
Talk about the importance of effective problem solving in your wedding ceremony.
Commit to it in your wedding vows.
And then find a way to live in marriage without rage.
You'll live in marriage a lot longer and a lot happier without it.
And in the long run, you'll have far fewer fights!
Source...