The Fame Delusion
Surveys of children's aspirations commissioned by teachers' groups and media companies throughout the past decade have repeatedly come up with the same results: primary school aged children no longer aspire to be doctors, bankers, train drivers as they did 25 years ago.
They want to be celebrities.
Being famous is what the majority of kids put as number one of desirable things (God comes in at tenth place on two successive surveys).
Media coverage of Katie Perry's marital difficulties - or Posh Spice's acne and clothing line - don't touch much on celeb egotism as it climbs to messianic heights.
John Lennon's comment that the Beatles were bigger than Jesus (which so scandalised the 1970's establishment) seems tame now.
He was roundly eclipsed years ago by Michael Jackson with his self-portrayal as Christ in the Earth Song at the 1996 Brit Awards.
Ongoing saviours of humankind include globe-trotting jet-setters Sting and Bono, with their injunctions to rescue the environment and Africa.
Playing God to the poor and needy is a role taken up only too readily by figure-conscious or middle-aged celebs who fancy a new, human toy - a baby.
Infants are shipped in from around the world, or formed in the wombs of surrogates on the payroll, to satisfy the likes of SJP, Madonna, Brangelina and Demi Moore.
Nonetheless, celebrity bedazzles our kids, who are undeterred by the black holes of addiction or destructive relationships devouring so many of their idols.
Yet the shortcut to stardom that the marketing for some dance and drama courses promises is entirely misleading for the vast majority of young people enrolled.
It does not follow that the phenomenon of one illustrious alumnus means you will reap the same rewards by virtue of attaching yourself to a performing arts institution.
Yes, Hermione Granger went to stage school for a little while - along with thousands of others who have not secured work in the industry.
Much as I would like to pretend otherwise, the fact that several of my own students have secured work in TV or film/theatre is more a reflection of their determination, luck, timing and talent than anything I did with them.
Although talent shows such as the X Factor seem to make real for kids the dream of becoming a sports, pop, catwalk or movie star, the depressing truth is that there is very little paid work in the performing arts, as a glance in the situations vacant page in The Stage will reveal.
A-list jobs tend to be inherited.
Even the briefest consideration of celebrity's constellation reveals a royal bloodline: Phil Collins and Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliffe) have casting agent mothers.
Twilight's Kristen Stewart had a television producer dad.
There are the Sheen, Douglas, Julia Roberts, Bridges, Fiennes and Redgrave acting dynasties.
Think also of Liv Tyler (daughter of Aerosmith singer) and Whitney Houston (niece of Dionne Warwick), Angelina Jolie (daughter of movie star John Voigt) and Gwyneth Paltrow (daughter of director Bruce Paltrow).
And, come on - would we have ever heard of Sohpie Ellis Bextor but for the fact of her Blue Peter mum? This is not to say, of course, that real talent doesn't get through.
It may do.
(It may well not, also.
) We celebrate the wisdom of Simon Cowell as he despatches the awful and encourages the great.
But couldn't anyone with eyes and ears detect the vocal talent of a Leona Lewis or Will Young? Still, we tolerate Simon's fluorescent teeth, Sharon Osborne's botoxed, rubbery face, and Cheryl's panto dame frocks because we think we need these self-appointed judges to find our next big star.
Meanwhile, school, extra-curricular and college performing arts courses fill up with wannabes who have paid no heed to the warning of DJ Chris Evans that when you get to the top you find there's nothing there.
Rather than selling students a specious dream of fame, these institutions should eschew celebrity for the nonsense it is and focus on the huge practical benefits that involvement in music, drama and dance can bring, via transferrable skills, to the workplace.
These skills include verbal, written and visual communication, and high level IT competence.
Any performer must cultivate strong inter-personal skills in order to function in a high-pressure performing environment.
Far from bumping around in an artistic bubble, you need business and financial acumen to make your work generate interest and money.
Even amateur shows cost thousands to put on in terms of venue and personnel hire.
Above all, the performing artist has to have the self-discipline to rehearse and research, and to present a reasonable public face.
The best performing artists quickly learn that, no matter what happens, the show must go on.
These skills and characteristics, if properly developed in a practical, worldly way, will be useful in other industries such as sales, marketing, management, retail, finance, law and youth work.
They want to be celebrities.
Being famous is what the majority of kids put as number one of desirable things (God comes in at tenth place on two successive surveys).
Media coverage of Katie Perry's marital difficulties - or Posh Spice's acne and clothing line - don't touch much on celeb egotism as it climbs to messianic heights.
John Lennon's comment that the Beatles were bigger than Jesus (which so scandalised the 1970's establishment) seems tame now.
He was roundly eclipsed years ago by Michael Jackson with his self-portrayal as Christ in the Earth Song at the 1996 Brit Awards.
Ongoing saviours of humankind include globe-trotting jet-setters Sting and Bono, with their injunctions to rescue the environment and Africa.
Playing God to the poor and needy is a role taken up only too readily by figure-conscious or middle-aged celebs who fancy a new, human toy - a baby.
Infants are shipped in from around the world, or formed in the wombs of surrogates on the payroll, to satisfy the likes of SJP, Madonna, Brangelina and Demi Moore.
Nonetheless, celebrity bedazzles our kids, who are undeterred by the black holes of addiction or destructive relationships devouring so many of their idols.
Yet the shortcut to stardom that the marketing for some dance and drama courses promises is entirely misleading for the vast majority of young people enrolled.
It does not follow that the phenomenon of one illustrious alumnus means you will reap the same rewards by virtue of attaching yourself to a performing arts institution.
Yes, Hermione Granger went to stage school for a little while - along with thousands of others who have not secured work in the industry.
Much as I would like to pretend otherwise, the fact that several of my own students have secured work in TV or film/theatre is more a reflection of their determination, luck, timing and talent than anything I did with them.
Although talent shows such as the X Factor seem to make real for kids the dream of becoming a sports, pop, catwalk or movie star, the depressing truth is that there is very little paid work in the performing arts, as a glance in the situations vacant page in The Stage will reveal.
A-list jobs tend to be inherited.
Even the briefest consideration of celebrity's constellation reveals a royal bloodline: Phil Collins and Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliffe) have casting agent mothers.
Twilight's Kristen Stewart had a television producer dad.
There are the Sheen, Douglas, Julia Roberts, Bridges, Fiennes and Redgrave acting dynasties.
Think also of Liv Tyler (daughter of Aerosmith singer) and Whitney Houston (niece of Dionne Warwick), Angelina Jolie (daughter of movie star John Voigt) and Gwyneth Paltrow (daughter of director Bruce Paltrow).
And, come on - would we have ever heard of Sohpie Ellis Bextor but for the fact of her Blue Peter mum? This is not to say, of course, that real talent doesn't get through.
It may do.
(It may well not, also.
) We celebrate the wisdom of Simon Cowell as he despatches the awful and encourages the great.
But couldn't anyone with eyes and ears detect the vocal talent of a Leona Lewis or Will Young? Still, we tolerate Simon's fluorescent teeth, Sharon Osborne's botoxed, rubbery face, and Cheryl's panto dame frocks because we think we need these self-appointed judges to find our next big star.
Meanwhile, school, extra-curricular and college performing arts courses fill up with wannabes who have paid no heed to the warning of DJ Chris Evans that when you get to the top you find there's nothing there.
Rather than selling students a specious dream of fame, these institutions should eschew celebrity for the nonsense it is and focus on the huge practical benefits that involvement in music, drama and dance can bring, via transferrable skills, to the workplace.
These skills include verbal, written and visual communication, and high level IT competence.
Any performer must cultivate strong inter-personal skills in order to function in a high-pressure performing environment.
Far from bumping around in an artistic bubble, you need business and financial acumen to make your work generate interest and money.
Even amateur shows cost thousands to put on in terms of venue and personnel hire.
Above all, the performing artist has to have the self-discipline to rehearse and research, and to present a reasonable public face.
The best performing artists quickly learn that, no matter what happens, the show must go on.
These skills and characteristics, if properly developed in a practical, worldly way, will be useful in other industries such as sales, marketing, management, retail, finance, law and youth work.
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