Question: I feel Greedy for Liking a Boy and a Girl

A bisexual teen feels "greedy" for liking a boy and a girl. But should he?

Answer:

A teen writes:

"I'm 14, male, and bi. I'm currently dating a girl, but I really like a guy too. I feel really overly greedy because I want them both so badly, but I have to pick for just the one I want to be with.

I feel like there's a switch inside me, half the time I'm straight, and go for my girlfriend, then half the time I'm just gay, and all I can think of is hugging the other guy I like.

I was just wondering is there anyone else with this problem? I really overly hate myself because I feel greedy for wanting them both."

First off, sexual attraction (not to mention sexual orientation) is a really complicated aspect of who we are, and you shouldn't feel "greedy" for being attracted to different people.

A lot of people, both straight and gay, have to deal with having sexual feelings for people who aren't their partners. This isn't only an issue for bisexuals!

As a gay teen says, "I know how you feel this time. I have a boyfriend, but every now and then, my ex comes around and it's oh so tempting. I can never figure out 100% who I want more."

Another adds:
"I’m in literally the exact same situation except I’m a girl. I have a boyfriend and everything, but I’m a bisexual and have no problem admitting it. My boyfriend knows, so maybe try to be open with your girlfriend. I would make sure you really know it’s this guy you like though before you decide anything. I know males and females alike can both be pretty tempting."
But back to your situation: before anything else you need to ask yourself what you want from the situation.

If it is just clarity about who you like more, that's something only you can figure out.

If it is the possibility of actually dating this guy, that is another thing altogether.

You say you have to "pick one," so it doesn't sounds like you are interested in a non-monogamous relationship.  Do you know if this guy is interested in you? Are you willing to end your current relationship for him? If your girlfriend doesn't know that you are bisexual, is this something that you want to tell her? If she doesn't know that you are attracted to people besides her, is that something you feel the need to share?

Obviously, you care about your girlfriend and don't want to hurt her. But the fact is, honest conversations about relationships can cause hurt feelings.  At the same time, staying in a relationship that isn't the right one can also be hurtful for everyone involved.  So you need to think about that as well. Good luck whatever you decide!