A divorce separation is never an easy thing to deal with.
Yet, according to statistics, up to 50 percent (depending on which statistics you are looking at and how they are interpreted) of all marriages will end in divorce.
So the first thing to know is that you are not alone.
For better or worse (pun intended), you have a lot of company out there.
Having said that, many couples that divorce try to separate amicably or at least to speak civilly to each other, "if only for the kids sake", at least initially.
But once lawyers get involved, the process drags on, and/or one spouse starts feeling like they are getting the short end of the stick, the gloves are off and the fight is on.
It can get pretty ugly.
Educating yourself is the key to protecting yourself during a divorce separation and the proceedings that will follow.
A petition for divorce must be filed by one or both parties.
Hearings must be held and attended.
Assets and debts must be divided.
Custody, living arrangements, and how decisions will be made regarding the children's daily activities and life-changing events must be agreed upon or fought over in court.
Child support and alimony must be decided.
Sometimes assets will need to be liquidated.
All of this can take quite a bit of time.
In addition, most states have laws that state a divorce separation proceeding must encompass at least a certain number of days or months from the time the paperwork is filed until the date it can be deemed final.
In other words, you usually cannot get a quick divorce and just "get things over with".
It often takes four to six months or more, and in some cases, these things can drag on for years.
Probably the worst part is feeling like you are putting your life on hold while you work through the necessary issues and battle it out for the things that mean the most to you.
And if one or both parties are bitter, sometimes that person will deliberately cause delays or impede the process in different ways so it can get downright miserable.
That is why it is important to learn as much as you can about the divorce process in your state, the laws that govern divorce in your area, and how you can settle things quickly, easily, and fairly for both parties.
You don't want to inadvertently give up your rights by acting out of ignorance just because you didn't take the time to get informed.
Once the judgment of divorce is entered by the court, your chances of getting anything changed or reversed is pretty slim, so you've got to be prepared before you sign anything or agree to something you don't understand.
Both you and your soon-to-be-ex have rights that should be considered when negotiating any kind of settlement.
There should be some give and some take on both parts without either party achieving a distinct advantage over the other.
In some states it will depend on what each of your financial and economic circumstances and status was prior to the marriage, what kinds of changes have transpired during the term of the marriage, and how long you've been married.
In other states, without a prenuptial agreement, almost everything is considered marital property and will be split right down the middle regardless of the other details.
Some states give both parents a fair shake at getting or sharing custody and raising the children.
Others may be predisposed to keeping children with their mother.
The key to surviving a divorce separation and the proceedings you will go through is to find out what does and does not apply in your specific state and how you can best protect your rights.
Don't rely on word of mouth from other divorcees who have been run through the system since you don't know the specifics of their circumstances and they probably weren't thoroughly educated in their rights prior to going through the process.
Rather, take the initiative to do the research yourself.
The marriage has already gone awry and that wasn't something you planned for.
Don't let the divorce separation go just as awry by failing to get the information you need.
Educate yourself and protect your rights.