Obsessive Thoughts - How to stop thinking in extremes There are many types of obsessive thoughts and a common characteristic of them all is that they involve faulty thinking.
As the name suggests, this is thinking that is flawed; that stops us seeing a situation as it really is.
Faulty thinking can lead to low moods and even depression.
It is usually a feature of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), although you can have these thoughts without having OCD.
In this article, I'm going to concentrate on one type of faulty thinking - Black and White Thinking.
I'll explain what it is and give you some tips, and a couple of exercises, to help you overcome it.
Black and white thinking (sometimes called all-or-nothing thinking) is when we think in extremes, making subjective judgements.
Things are either fantastic or terrible.
Some examples are: 'My boss didn't speak to me when she walked past.
She must hate me.
' 'I made a mistake in that column of figures.
I'm useless.
I'll never get promotion.
' 'I haven't had a partner for two years.
No one will ever love me.
' 'My new man is absolutely perfect!' We are more likely to resort to black and white thinking when under stress.
This is because our mature thinking gets hijacked by strong emotions, and strong emotions tend to make us stupid.
So we often resort to unhelpful child-like responses.
People using black and white thinking often use 'universal words' such as: 'everyone', 'no-one', 'always', 'never', 'perfect', 'terrible', 'nothing', 'everything'.
They rarely recognise that much of life is between the two extremes of black and white.
Yet there is rarely only one way to look at an issue.
So what can you do to overcome Black and White Thinking? Catch that thought.
If you hear yourself using one of the universal words above, stop and ask yourself: 'Is that true?' 'What proof is there that it is true?' 'How does this thought make me think/feel/behave? 'What else could I think instead that would be more helpful?' 'What would my feelings/behaviour be with this new thought?' Often, just recognising that you are using Black and White thinking and asking yourself these questions is enough to stop it dead.
Of course, this may need some repetition before your brain patterns are finally changed so that you can see the many shades of grey in life.
Ask others to point out your black and white statements.
Ask someone you trust to let you know when you've made one of these statements.
You'll need to explain to them what they are first.
They will probably be relieved to help you in this way.
Remember beliefs that you once had, but have now changed.
Black and white thinking is based on beliefs - often incorrect beliefs.
Beliefs are just beliefs, but we often think they are true.
For example, some people know that there is a God, while others know there is no God.
Some people have superstitions and act on them, while others ignore them.
By noticing your black and white thoughts, you can examine the beliefs behind them.
Using a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) approach you can: 1.
Observe that you had the thought Ask yourself what belief is behind the thought Note the behaviour or feelings that happen as a result of that thought and belief.
Identify another possible belief.
Note the behaviour or feelings that would happen as a result of this new belief.
Here's an example: Observe the thought - 'My boss ignored me this morning, she must hate me.
' Belief - 'If my boss ignores me, she must hate me.
' Feelings and behaviour - Feeling low, unable to concentrate Alternative possible belief - 'My boss ignored me, she must have something on her mind.
' Feelings and behaviour - Feeling calm, maybe ask boss if she is okay.
Sometimes you will need to try several alternative beliefs before you find one that seems right.
That's okay.
Allow yourself time to do this.
You'll really notice the difference.
Find the shades of grey Try this exercise to train your brain to spot the shades of grey.
Listed below are pairs of words - extremes.
Grab a pen and write a word to describe the middle of these two.
For example: Black and White - the middle word is grey Give it a go! High, Low Good, Bad Perfect, Terrible Beautiful, Ugly Easy, Difficult Young, Ancient Introvert, Extravert Withdrawn, Outgoing Clean, Filthy Calm, Excitable Depressed, Happy Letting go of Black and White thinking is one way to reduce your stress level, allowing you to feel calmer, more in control and enjoy life more.
Give it a try!