Question: As a Gay Teen, How Can I Beat Low Self Esteem?

It is really important to feel good about yourself, but this can be hard for gay teens. Sometimes there is a clear reason for a teen's low self esteem. Maybe he or she lives in a really hostile and homophobic environment. But sometimes low self esteem and a lack of self-confidence are part of a negative world view that can be changed.

Answer:

A gay teen writes:

So I am gay and I have finally accepted myself. It took sooo long. Now I am talking to more and more guys and guys are speaking to me. That's GREAT! But the biggest problem is now my confidence and self worth. Just recently I spoke to a guy on Facebook and everything was going great. He made a post about me. I'm guessing that's good. But when I read the post, I saw the guys he speaks to and sees everyday are better looking, taller, buffer, etc. and I felt like crap right after. I just couldn't believe that I felt good and hopeful in the first place. This has happened several times where I end up speaking to a guy and being hopeful, and then things go downhill because of my confidence. How can I raise it? What can I do? I would like to date without my confidence getting in the way.

What this teen is describing is pretty common. Obviously comparing oneself to others isn't really help for for someone with low self esteem, but it is also a pretty normal thing to do. So what's behind this and what can he do?

Unfortunately, GLBT youth may suffer from a lack of confidence and low self esteem both for reasons related to being a teen, reasons related to their personality, world view, and experiences, as well as for reasons related to their sexual orientation.

For example, it can be hard to feel good about yourself if you don't have a good support system, if you encounter rejection, or if you are the victim of homophobia. But that doesn't mean that you can't be gay and feel awesome about who you are. It just might take a bit of work.  

Teens with low self esteem and who lack confidence might also want to take a good look at their belief systems. Ask yourself: Do you have a negative world view and think that things are usually pretty bad? If so, what can you do to change this to improve both your world view and your view of yourself?  

About's Guide to Teen Advice recommends a few important ways to build self-esteem and fight low self esteem. They are:

• Take inventory of your strengths.
• Realize your limits.
• Stop putting yourself down.
• Celebrate progress and small victories.
• Pat yourself on the back every day.

Some people also believe that if you act like you are confident even if you aren't eventually the act will become a reality! So in the writer's case, acting as if the guys he is talking to have every reason to talk him, then soon enough, the theory holds, this won't be an act.

GLBT teens should also keep in mind there are some really great things about being gay. For example, being freed from many of society's rigid gender expectations, being part of a community that you would never have discovered otherwise, having a special connection to partners, and experiencing opposite gender friendships without worrying about dating or sexual tension. Focusing on these things can definitely help make you feel better about yourself and can improve your world view. 

Remember: even if you feel bad about yourself right now and even if those in your life are not positive reinforcements, you have the power to change your outlook. Self confidence can be a skill you learn like any other. Now get out there and start practicing!