There"s a Light at the End of the Tunnel - Successful Co-Parenting
In order to be the best parents we can be, it is essential for us to know how to support our children without our issues interfering with being present with them and their needs.
I am deeply committed to protecting kids when their parents fight, don't talk to each other and can't live together.
Let's face it, divorce [usually] sucks.
Sometimes you choose it and sometimes you don't, but either way, you did not get married with the vision of getting divorced someday.
It is the second of the two most stressful times in someone's life, just behind death of a spouse; this according to the Holmes-Raye stress scale.
The silver lining of divorce is the opportunity it gives you to find out what you are made of.
Are you able to deal with the depth of conflicting emotions that accompany divorce? Do you prefer to simply blame your former spouse or partner or, are you willing to look in the mirror to acknowledge and learn from your own mis-steps or mis-takes? Can you imagine holding in your heart the possibility that you may not be "right" and that there really are two sides to every story (if not more)? You probably don't need any more evidence that the process of divorce and co-parenting is a time in life for you to seek guidance, not only legal guidance but also spiritual guidance.
Having a spiritual framework can comfort your soul, provide a context for personal insights and, act as a reference for ethical action when confronted with gut-wrenching decisions.
I plan to share about the value of internalizing spiritual principles and will give you with some guideposts on which to rely when your human ego is freaking out.
Moving from your married or partnered family life into the unknown realm of co-parenting with your ex, the same person once most loved and cherished, is difficult and can be quite agonizing.
Throughout the process of disentanglement, you have many opportunities to make life-altering decisions regarding your relationship with your ex and your children.
By having a foundation upon which to make those decisions, rather than responding habitually or from your emotional reaction in the moment, you can tap into your inner resources to remind yourself to make decisions best for all concerned.
You have a choice.
You can allow your divorce and life to happen TO you or you can consciously CHOOSE to look at your divorce as a potent knock on life's door, as another f-ing growth opportunity and embrace all that life has to offer you along the way.
Here's the deal.
Either way, it IS going to create some havoc in your life.
It IS going to be very challenging at times, and, at times, it IS going to rock your world in unexpected ways.
As the poet Rumi articulates so beautifully in his poem The Guest House: "This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.
" So...
do you want to be knocked over by those times or, when those moments hit, do you want to be prepared with the resources and skills to embrace them as opportunities for your own learning and growth? You can build the inner resources and skills that will allow you to respond with dignity and grace so you and your children can thrive during and after the divorce.
Absolutely divorce is painful but it is also a huge opportunity to grow in stature in ways you never imagined.
If you choose to embrace this time of your life as an opportunity to reflect on your options, your behavior and your "stuff", you will be better prepared to move forward and rebuild your life in a healthy, whole and grounded way.
As Bernard Loomer explains in On Magnanimity: "By size, I mean the stature of a person's soul, the range and depth of your love, your capacity for relationships.
I mean the volume of life you can take into your being and still maintain your integrity and individuality, the intensity and variety of outlook you can entertain in the unity of your being without feeling defensive or insecure.
I mean the strength of your spirit to encourage others to become freer in the development of their diversity and uniqueness.
I mean the power to sustain more complex and enriching tensions.
I mean the magnanimity of concern to provide conditions that enable others to increase in stature.
" Why would you want to do this? Because if you don't, you will find yourself married to the same person in different clothes, with different hair, and with a different name having the same arguments, dealing with the same issues and making the same mistakes you did in your first marriage.
Ask yourself: do I want to be here again or, do I want to step into my FULL self and embody who I am meant to be? The other wonderful thing about choosing to see your divorce as an opportunity is that it not only benefits you, it benefits your children and ultimately it benefits the world.
The world desperately needs awake, alive, mature beings that are standing in their greatness and power, who are healing and healed, and who are parenting and LIVING from a place of wholeness rather than brokenness.
http://www.
parentingwithyourex.
com
I am deeply committed to protecting kids when their parents fight, don't talk to each other and can't live together.
Let's face it, divorce [usually] sucks.
Sometimes you choose it and sometimes you don't, but either way, you did not get married with the vision of getting divorced someday.
It is the second of the two most stressful times in someone's life, just behind death of a spouse; this according to the Holmes-Raye stress scale.
The silver lining of divorce is the opportunity it gives you to find out what you are made of.
Are you able to deal with the depth of conflicting emotions that accompany divorce? Do you prefer to simply blame your former spouse or partner or, are you willing to look in the mirror to acknowledge and learn from your own mis-steps or mis-takes? Can you imagine holding in your heart the possibility that you may not be "right" and that there really are two sides to every story (if not more)? You probably don't need any more evidence that the process of divorce and co-parenting is a time in life for you to seek guidance, not only legal guidance but also spiritual guidance.
Having a spiritual framework can comfort your soul, provide a context for personal insights and, act as a reference for ethical action when confronted with gut-wrenching decisions.
I plan to share about the value of internalizing spiritual principles and will give you with some guideposts on which to rely when your human ego is freaking out.
Moving from your married or partnered family life into the unknown realm of co-parenting with your ex, the same person once most loved and cherished, is difficult and can be quite agonizing.
Throughout the process of disentanglement, you have many opportunities to make life-altering decisions regarding your relationship with your ex and your children.
By having a foundation upon which to make those decisions, rather than responding habitually or from your emotional reaction in the moment, you can tap into your inner resources to remind yourself to make decisions best for all concerned.
You have a choice.
You can allow your divorce and life to happen TO you or you can consciously CHOOSE to look at your divorce as a potent knock on life's door, as another f-ing growth opportunity and embrace all that life has to offer you along the way.
Here's the deal.
Either way, it IS going to create some havoc in your life.
It IS going to be very challenging at times, and, at times, it IS going to rock your world in unexpected ways.
As the poet Rumi articulates so beautifully in his poem The Guest House: "This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.
" So...
do you want to be knocked over by those times or, when those moments hit, do you want to be prepared with the resources and skills to embrace them as opportunities for your own learning and growth? You can build the inner resources and skills that will allow you to respond with dignity and grace so you and your children can thrive during and after the divorce.
Absolutely divorce is painful but it is also a huge opportunity to grow in stature in ways you never imagined.
If you choose to embrace this time of your life as an opportunity to reflect on your options, your behavior and your "stuff", you will be better prepared to move forward and rebuild your life in a healthy, whole and grounded way.
As Bernard Loomer explains in On Magnanimity: "By size, I mean the stature of a person's soul, the range and depth of your love, your capacity for relationships.
I mean the volume of life you can take into your being and still maintain your integrity and individuality, the intensity and variety of outlook you can entertain in the unity of your being without feeling defensive or insecure.
I mean the strength of your spirit to encourage others to become freer in the development of their diversity and uniqueness.
I mean the power to sustain more complex and enriching tensions.
I mean the magnanimity of concern to provide conditions that enable others to increase in stature.
" Why would you want to do this? Because if you don't, you will find yourself married to the same person in different clothes, with different hair, and with a different name having the same arguments, dealing with the same issues and making the same mistakes you did in your first marriage.
Ask yourself: do I want to be here again or, do I want to step into my FULL self and embody who I am meant to be? The other wonderful thing about choosing to see your divorce as an opportunity is that it not only benefits you, it benefits your children and ultimately it benefits the world.
The world desperately needs awake, alive, mature beings that are standing in their greatness and power, who are healing and healed, and who are parenting and LIVING from a place of wholeness rather than brokenness.
http://www.
parentingwithyourex.
com
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