Opposite personalities are well known for igniting exciting and often contentious love affairs.
It is natural to seek in another qualities that we ourselves do not possess.
But what are the odds of maintaining love and respect when one partner is an introvert and the other an extrovert? Or when one is used to being the dominant force in a relationship and the other is compliant? The extrovert is charming and thrives on group dynamics, whereas introverts are perfectly content to be alone.
They can maintain a happy union if each one allows the other to be himself, which can be achieved by allowing the other to lead their life without interference.
Or, each type can stretch him or herself to take on a bit more of the opposite personality trait after getting married.
The submissive partner (often, but not always the woman) was probably attracted to her future husband because of his self-confidence and strength.
The dominant partner may have married his wife because she seemed pleasant and compliant.
He may need a spouse who he perceives as needy and dependent, so that she will stay with him.
The problem is that this dynamic often leads to boredom and aggression with the dominant partner, and resentment and ebbing self-esteem for the submissive partner.
In general, personality types play a less important role in staying together to the point of getting married and staying married than the qualities discussed below.
Any combination of opposites can be successful if most of these are present.
True love is characterized by vulnerability and trust.
It's based in the real world of diapers and bad hair.
Partners know each other's foibles and strengths-all of them.
No topics are forbidden.
They are being our own true selves (remember the vow 'for better or for worse'? In fact, they try to buttress each other where they are "weak.
" The opposite is dwelling on Fantasy Island, where daily life is built on a foundation of sand.
Successful marriage partners "complete" each other, searching for ways to lend tangible support or just listen to daily tribulations.
The opposite is a 'partner as life raft' situation, wherein one feels that he or she needs the other to survive-literally.
This is too much pressure for a mere mortal.
When such a codependent arrangement blows up, they're off looking for the candy box or the next lover.
Are spouses best friends? That's how it should be.
Sexual intoxication can only last so long.
Partners have to look forward to seeing each other at the end of the day.
The opposite is a 'taking hostages' situation.
As in Gift of the Magi, unselfish partners put the other's needs ahead of their own some of the time.
Unselfishness is the bedrock of real love.
A constantly demanding partner is not a loving partner.
What's the difference between a demand and a request? When one is requesting, a 'no' is perfectly OK, because one is merely stating a preference.
Forgiveness is a tough but essential piece of the puzzle.
Everyone makes mistakes, and no one has a time machine to go back and fix them.
Celebrate each day of a relationship by releasing that day's "screw-up.
" Put the past in the past.
The opposite is having a laundry list of imagined past transgressions, and pulling it out whenever one becomes angry.
If one was brought up in a dysfunctional household, one may have an emotional void that no one can fill.
But security and trust are essential in a love relationship.
When one trusts that one's partner will always be there, one can breathe easily.
The opposite is eerily reminiscent of a fear-based childhood, in which one will do anything to protect himself, to avoid being dominated, abused and criticized.
This kind of fear can kill a relationship-or the people in it.
Truthfulness is another core of partnership.
Not the kind that we use to hurt someone else, but being authentic.
Everyone is accountable for his or her own actions.
There is no secret that is hidden from the other.
The opposite can lead to a huge web of deception, and is self-perpetuating.
Trust flies out the window, and affection goes with it.