Dear Kathy,
My name is Jennifer and I have been married five times to five different men. My life, so far, has consisted of meeting a man and sleeping with him and never being truly satisfied with myself or the relationship and not knowing why.
I have recently met someone at work and from the moment I saw her, I was mesmerized. She is the most awesome person I have ever met. She has been in a relationship for the past five years where she was the "other" person in a married woman's life.


Her ex-girlfriend hurt her very badly.

My First Female Kiss

She has shown me that it is not a "bad part" of me that is interested in her. I have never even kissed another woman before now. I feel very deeply for this woman and want her to see this, but I don't want to push her or scare her off. I am also scared that she won't feel the same way about me that I feel about her.

She Wants to go Slow

She told me that she wanted to take things slow so that we are friends first. I want this also, but at the same time my feelings are so deep for her that I want to cry because we have to pretend that there is nothing going on between us at work. Our job positions depend on no one finding out about how I feel.
We are not intimate. We kiss and stay the night with friends who are accepting where we can sleep in the same bed, but nothing more. When we are together and asleep I wake myself up to see if it is all a dream and see if she is still there. How can I let her know how I feel without pushing her away?

I have no support system

By the way, she has an awesome support system and all that I have is my sister. My mom and dad are mad at me and do not know of my feelings. When they got so mad just because they found out that my friend was gay, I didn't even tell them how happy I have been just to see her and to meet her. Happier than I have been in a long time, maybe even never! Thank you and I will be grateful for any advice you have to offer.
Jennifer in Tennessee
Dear Jennifer:
I agree with your friend that it is best to take it slow. Since you admit that you easily fall for people and have even been married five times, I think this is good advice.

Coming out is intense

Coming out as lesbian or bisexual is an intense time. Your feelings and emotions can seem extra powerful as you sort through them all. I suggest that you see if there is a support group in your area for women coming out of the closet. Being around others who are going through the same thing can help you feel more normal. Plus, you admit that you don’t have much support, other than your sister, so a support group can really help with that.

Recovering from a broken heart

Your friend probably has strong feelings for you too, otherwise she wouldn’t be kissing you and sleeping in the same bed as you. Put yourself in her shoes for a moment. My guess is she wants to take this slow with you because she was so badly hurt the last time.
You also have to realize that it is healthy for her to be cautious about getting involved with someone who is just coming out of the closet. She wants to be sure you really are a lesbian and okay with that before she invests her heart any further.

Just breathe. Spend some time getting to know yourself and knowing her. This part of your relationship can be as exhilarating and wonderful as taking it to the next level. Relax and enjoy where you are now. Appreciate what you do have.