When the dust settles, you wish you could take back what you said, and what you did.
Unfortunately, the break up has already happened; the last thing you wanted.
If you love them and want to get your ex back, it is not just a matter of forgetting the whole thing and moving on like normal.
There are steps you need to follow and actions you must take.
AS THE DUST SETTLES In the first moments of a break up, there is a tendency to want to point fingers and blame your partner for what has happened.
You know in your heart that both of you had a role in the break up.
Take ownership for what has happened.
Accept that you played a part in getting things to this point in your relationship.
Apologize and accept an apology - with dignity and humility.
It is the better person that can come forward and admit blame - you will gain a lot of respect from your partner.
WHAT TO DO NEXT Running back and pleading with them to take you back is not the answer.
Telling them you will change and do whatever it takes to make it work is not the answer either.
Nothing will push your partner further away than the appearance of weakness.
After a break up you need to be strong and confident.
You might not feel that way to start, but you have to give that outward impression.
One way to do this is to take time apart from your partner - no communication at all.
Spend some time as a single person, spend time with friends, even take up a hobby you enjoy.
You will soon realize that you can make it on your own, and crying and begging them is no longer a consideration.
If your partner sees you are happy and "doing just fine" without them, you are going to tweak their curiosity.
They will begin to wonder what they are missing out on when they are apart from you.
WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT After you have had some time apart, if you are still wanting to get back with your ex, then plan on some short visits together.
Getting together for a lunch break or a stroll in the park are some suggestions; just avoid the "heavy stuff" at first.
A break up is a sign that each of you has more to learn about the other.
During this time, get to know your ex all over again.
Truly listen to what they have to say, give them the time and space to speak without feeling threatened.
Look for solutions to the weaker aspects of your relationship - do this together and come to a mutual agreement.
No longer can your relationship just be about one person or the other - it has to be about the two of you together.