One of the more difficult life events a person can experience is the long-term illness of a family member.
A person can respond negatively to this experience or use it as an opportunity for growth.
In 2001, my family was forced to place my father in a nursing home with the onset of dementia.
Initially, his symptoms were severe, including hallucinations and complete disorientation.
He improved gradually with medication and nutritional intervention, but I found myself struggling with the role reversal of becoming my father's caretaker.
One day I took my father on an outing to have lunch.
He turned to me and asked me why he had to continue to stay in the "hospital.
" We had never told him that it was a nursing home.
I was really quite put on the spot but had always had a very straight forward relationship with my father.
An honest answer seemed to be the most appropriate response to such a direct question.
"Well, Dad," I said, "you don't remember things as well as you used to.
We're worried that if you live by yourself you might forget that you're cooking something and start a fire, or leave the house and not be able find your way back.
My father felt like maybe we had overestimated his forgetfulness.
"I'm not crazy!" He had ordered a bowl of chili for lunch "I don't look down at my bowl of chili and go, whoa, where did that come from!" I had to swallow back my laughter.
He definitely had his more lucid moments.
After lunch we went to enjoy a movie.
I was sure that from the choices given my father would want to see some thriller or action oriented movie.
He was a Vietnam veteran and had been a high level code breaker for the Pentagon.
So I was somewhat stunned when his choice was "Finding Nemo.
" "Really?" Yes, he was sure that's what he wanted to see.
Now I definitely felt more like the parent.
As we sat watching the movie my father was perplexed by Dory's character.
"Why does that fish keep asking the same questions over and over again?" "Well, Dad, I think she has trouble remembering things," I explained.
He asked me no less than five times in the next few minutes what was wrong with the fish who kept asking the same questions repeatedly.
It was just too surreal.
In spite of my father's doubts about his need to be in the nursing home, I came to realize that the list of his needs were very similar to the things I provided for my own children; basic physical needs, emotional needs, medical needs and financial needs.
I struggled with looking after him while still showing him all the respect that he deserved.
In the end, I realized that the greatest honor was in some very small way repaying all the care I had received from him as a child.