Places Men Should Never Propose to Women
1) Water taxi on the Venice Canal - You never know when some American tourist just finished watching Mel Brooks' movie 'SpaceBalls' and decides to entertain friends by acting like the neurotic robot.
If your proposed to be laughs at the tourist yelling "virgin alert, virgin alert," chances are she's not paying attention to your knee bending performance.
2) High noon on the golf course - Well, cowboy, sometimes, it's not wise to sink 18 balls into 18 different holes in front of your future fiancee.
She may think you still want to keep hitting that field.
She's probably already jealous you spend more time stroking your luscious green beauty than her.
3) In front of your mother - Before baby pictures start twirling around in her head, your mom may grab that ring before your betrothed to be discovers mom still bathes you.
4) At the zoo in front of the elephants - Do you really want her to compare sizes? The elephant will win every time.
Surprise, surprise.
5) Next to the lady breastfeeding her baby - It is a foreshadowing of things to come for her.
She may spontaneously realize the institution of marriage may institutionalize her.
6) While a dog is doing his bowel business - It will jar her emotions and make her wonder if she wants to pick up and deal with your crap.
7) During a horror movie - Doing your laundry is scary enough.
8) Inside King Tut's Tomb - The engagement ring may become viral...
and her mummy may end up living with you for a long, long time.
The curse continues, then your mom moves in, too.
9) During sex - Pick a day when little Jimmy is not having erectile dysfunction.
This is key.
You don't want her to assume your magic leg is always broken.
She may call a repair man and end up with him.
10) In a jacuzzi - Water is never conducive to raising confidence in any situation.
Remember what happened to Seinfeld's friend, George Costanza, when he played pool boy for a day.
11) At a psychiatrist's office - She probably thinks you are already crazy and stupid.
You don't want her to confirm it.
12) While she squeezes into a dress too small for her large brain - Don't ask.
Don't say anything.
13) While you stare at another woman - If your nerves get the best of you, the other woman may wonder if you are proposing to her, instead.
You can always ask the other woman to propose for you.
14) While she tries on shoes - Actually buy her those beautiful, expensive, bunion makers before proposing.
Who wants to marry a cheap skate?
If your proposed to be laughs at the tourist yelling "virgin alert, virgin alert," chances are she's not paying attention to your knee bending performance.
2) High noon on the golf course - Well, cowboy, sometimes, it's not wise to sink 18 balls into 18 different holes in front of your future fiancee.
She may think you still want to keep hitting that field.
She's probably already jealous you spend more time stroking your luscious green beauty than her.
3) In front of your mother - Before baby pictures start twirling around in her head, your mom may grab that ring before your betrothed to be discovers mom still bathes you.
4) At the zoo in front of the elephants - Do you really want her to compare sizes? The elephant will win every time.
Surprise, surprise.
5) Next to the lady breastfeeding her baby - It is a foreshadowing of things to come for her.
She may spontaneously realize the institution of marriage may institutionalize her.
6) While a dog is doing his bowel business - It will jar her emotions and make her wonder if she wants to pick up and deal with your crap.
7) During a horror movie - Doing your laundry is scary enough.
8) Inside King Tut's Tomb - The engagement ring may become viral...
and her mummy may end up living with you for a long, long time.
The curse continues, then your mom moves in, too.
9) During sex - Pick a day when little Jimmy is not having erectile dysfunction.
This is key.
You don't want her to assume your magic leg is always broken.
She may call a repair man and end up with him.
10) In a jacuzzi - Water is never conducive to raising confidence in any situation.
Remember what happened to Seinfeld's friend, George Costanza, when he played pool boy for a day.
11) At a psychiatrist's office - She probably thinks you are already crazy and stupid.
You don't want her to confirm it.
12) While she squeezes into a dress too small for her large brain - Don't ask.
Don't say anything.
13) While you stare at another woman - If your nerves get the best of you, the other woman may wonder if you are proposing to her, instead.
You can always ask the other woman to propose for you.
14) While she tries on shoes - Actually buy her those beautiful, expensive, bunion makers before proposing.
Who wants to marry a cheap skate?
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