If there is one basic law about the energy of love, it is this: How you perceive and treat yourself is exactly how others will perceive and treat you.
Every day you unconsciously show and tell people how to treat you without ever uttering a word.
Since you are your own primary caretaker, others look to you for guidance on how much love you require.
You give them the cues; you dictate how people speak to you, how they treat you, what they think of you, and what they expect from you.
Whether you are conscious of doing this or not, you are the one who establishes the model of how others relate to you.
Imprinting negative expectations Ariella was a striking and tastefully dressed woman in her late 30s who came to me because she was, as she described herself, "cursed" when it cam to relationships.
When I suggested to Ariella that perhaps she was unconsciously manifesting her situations, she balked and waved my suggestion away.
She insisted that her circumstances were a result of bad luck, so I sat back and asked her to tell me her story.
Ariella rarely dated, and when she did it was with either unavailable or inappropriate partners, She dated married man who could only give her scraps of time, men who were much younger and immature, or men who needed care taking - chemically dependent, in need of mothering, or trapped in emotional adolescence.
Ariella relayed her tales of woe, complaining that fate did not want her to be happy or to find that special someone to love.
She ended by declaring,: I guess I'll just be alone forever.
: I asked Ariella some basic questions about herself, and almost immediately some core truths began to emerge.
Ariella worked as a buyer for an upscale clothing boutique, a job that bored her; she stayed there because she didn't believe she could find a better position.
She admitted that for a long time she had wanted to go to design school, but she had never taken the steps to make it happen.
She rushed from one obligation to another and made little time for herself.
She existed on diet soda, prepackaged food, and huge amounts coffee, and she rarely engaged in any physical activity.
In short, Ariella provided little to no nurturing for herself.
Ariella was surprised when I pointed out that the way she treated herself - with neglect, disrespect, and unkindness - was mirroring the way she was being treated by the men in her life.
She never had to communicate how little she thought of herself; her self-concept was evident in her behavior.
Her parents were simply responding to her message of how she should be treated.