The Ford Motor Company has of late been so inept at building cars Americans would like to own that Henry Ford no longer found it possible to remain dead.
Making a surprise appearance at Ford Headquarters, he entered his great-grandson's office, and said, "What the hell is going on, Billy?" "Who are you?" asked William Clay Ford, Jr.
, now the CEO of the company.
"Who do I look like? Certainly, you've seen my pictures since you were a child in swaddling vinyl?" "Don't tell me! Great granddad?" "Don't great-granddaddy me, Billy boy! Why can't you make a car people want to buy?" "We're trying.
" "Hogwash.
Don't try; just do it!" "I just hired a new man to make sure it happens.
" "Mulally? What's an airplane man know about building cars?" "He turned Boeing around.
I figured maybe he can do the same for us.
" "Haven't you heard what the man's saying? You're headed where you'd be going even without him - to being a smaller company.
What kind of genius does that take?" "Well, given our losses, which are kind of significant - " "- billions! Billions every quarter! When I ran this company, we never ever thought of numbers that big!" "Right.
Anyway, it seems like a good idea to be smaller but profitable before we start to grow again.
" "Nonsense! Make a car people want and you can be profitable way before then.
" "I agree, and we've got a lot of prototypes in the works.
" "Prototypes - after all these years? You should be able to build popular cars in your sleep.
" "I'm sorry, but it's not the same auto business you knew.
We've got a lot of competition.
" "Ford has no competition - when Ford is doing what Ford did when I was in charge.
" "You didn't have the Japanese.
" "Don't tell me about them.
I've heard enough.
You're fired!" "Fired? You can't do that.
I'm the CEO.
" "You were the CEO.
I'm the founder.
Now, get out of here and let me run the company in a profitable manner.
" "You can't do that.
You're dead.
" "Dead? How can I stay dead with the losses you're racking up? What do you think woke me up? You're finished! Hit the road!" "Come on, great granddaddy, give me a chance.
" "You've had plenty of chances.
Look at you - born with a chrome bumper in your mouth but can't run a car company worth a damn.
" "But the Japanese build cars like they're trying to get back at America for World War II.
" "Don't pull that miserable excuse.
All you have to do is convince American workers to build cars like we won World War II!" "Do you think that's possible?" "Why the hell don't you try it?" "I can try it? I thought I was fired.
" "You are fired.
But I'll give you a one-year extension.
" "If I succeed, do you promise not to come back again and take all the credit.
My fragile ego couldn't stand it.
" "Of course, I won't come back.
I'm old, I'm tired, I'm dead.
But, I caution you, even death has its limits.
So you're on probation.
If you don't pull it off, I'm coming back and taking charge.
Dead is not necessarily brain dead! Got it?" "Got it.
" "And good day.
" With that, he turned and motored back to his much troubled place under the ground.