If you have been following these articles,  you've noticed that I usually write about issues that prevent us from achieving our goals. While I have addressed many of them, I can assure you that there are many more to cover in the future! My objective today is to explain that I do not write to depress you or scare you, and I am not writing from a place of sadness or depression as my editor and friend sometimes suggests. Rather, I write to inspire and help you connect the dots, to show you that a common thread runs through everything I discuss.  The basic truth is that our weight problems are the physical manifestation of our problems with relationships: relationships with others, with food, and, ultimately, with ourselves.

So, to set the record straight, my intention is to inspire you, to supply you with the tools to overcome obstacles before they blindside you. Forewarned is forearmed, and that is what I try to do week after week. The scenarios I present are geared toward helping you identify with every other person on this path whose daily struggles to reach her goal is identical to yours. We have all suffered the feelings of recrimination, doubt and hopelessness that can ruin whole days and weeks; however, many of us have been able to put an end to them. Why not all of us? Why not you, for instance?  Well, let's figure that out. In order to do so, I need you to believe me when I tell you that you are not alone. None of us are alone, and none of us are flawed human beings who can't find our way: we are merely voyagers who have been traveling with an outdated map. The learned behavior of the past no longer serves you, and I sincerely wish to share my updated map, so you don't have to suffer as I did.

I write about the trying times in order to give you the knowledge to anticipate and strength to overcome difficult, but not impossible, challenges. In the process, I hope to prepare you for the detours you will have to circumvent and to help you develop the resolve not to throw it all away because you had a moment of weakness. As bad as it might be, a moment, you see, is really just a moment. You must expect to encounter adversity with the full knowledge that you will prevail and hit the road with renewed strength.

I often write about my own past issues in an attempt to show that it is possible, and even healthy, to speak about the dark moments and behaviors that presently have many of you locked in prisons of guilt, shame and self-loathing.  I, too, know the anguish of sleepless nights wondering, Why me? What is wrong with me? Why can't I fix this? I can honestly tell you that persisting in this type of thinking is a fatal error because if we think that something at the core of our being is permanently damaged, then we have no hope. Without hope, there will be no change. Unfortunately, thinking we are flawed is the norm among people like us, and I want to dispel that myth, once and for all. There is nothing wrong with us! We are, or in my case were, a bit lost, but I have found my way and I can lead you back to yours, if you will allow me.  I can honestly tell you that because of the lifetime of work I have done, I have maintained my optimal goal weight within a five-pound loop for over 16 years.

To say that I don't still stumble would be a lie. I do; I am far from perfect, but the places where I stumble are a long distance from the places a younger me stumbled, and the depths to which I sometimes fall are far shallower than the canyons of despair I used to know.  You might not find it inspirational to know that after years of struggling, you are sure to face more adversity down the road, but I promised from the start to speak only the truth, and that is the truth. It is also true that once you do this work, the obstacles will look much different because you will look much different, and you will feel much different. It will take more to make you stumble, and you will get on your feet faster.

Let me preface the next section of this article by responding to those persist in suggesting that I am fortunate to have "thin" genes. I used to allow them to say this just to be polite, but it could not be further from the truth, and I no longer allow anyone to take away my truth about the hard work I have done. Had I not done the work, how could I ever inspire you to do the same?  For this reason I will continue sharing with you more of what I have lived and worked through.  I want you to know that your darkest secrets were mine. As I sit writing today, I can honestly tell you that while it is hard to share them, I am no longer ashamed, and that is an indescribably freeing feeling.  More than weight loss, I want you to know that feeling of lightness that you will only experience by bringing the light to what no longer needs to remain in the dark.  There is not a single thought, action, or belief that merits your feelings of shame. Each experience is there to show us the way, not to mire us in a quicksand of guilt and shame.  One day these experiences will make you stronger and inspire you to stand up and say, This is not the woman I was born to be. This is not the life I dreamt for myself. I will no longer live with shame and darkness! I will show the world that I am strong and beautiful, and I will believe in myself!

Many years ago, when I was in my early 20s, I was about 50 pounds overweight. (Note: this was not nearly my highest; I hit that a bit later in life.) Back then, I had no idea how to lose weight, and I tried every fad diet that came down the pike. For an added boost, I would use diet pills that did nothing more than almost kill me. They worked at first, but weight would be back the second I stopped taking them. Finally, I concluded that if I hardly ever ate and worked out like crazy, I could starve myself to a weight that appeared healthy.  At the height of my self-abuse, it appeared to outsiders that I had it all and was totally together. Nobody would have believed that my private world was fraught with depression, loneliness, despair, hopelessness, fear, self-loathing, and just plain sadness.  Since I was working in a fitness club at the time, I had plenty of time to work out obsessively, which I did. In addition, I had quite literally stopped eating anything more than an apple every once in a while. Of course, if forced to eat with others I would have a salad and appear to be the epitome of health and self-respect. How far from the truth was this?  Very far, I'm afraid.

Suffice it to say that my world was a study in contrasts: days of near starvation followed by a methodically planned rendezvous with enormous amounts of binge food. I would get into bed and gorge myself on sweets while watching soap operas, only to awaken hours later from a self-induced sugar coma.  Years passed like this, and eventually my body began to break down, but even that wasn't enough to stop me right away. I feared the damage might be irreversible, but it didn't matter. I absolutely could not allow myself to eat regularly because I absolutely could not control myself. I was determined not to be overweight, but I couldn't sustain the starvation forever, so the binges continued and the damage became worse.

I know first-hand, the suffering that comes from not having control over your own body. I know what it feels like to be unable to nourish it with the foods it needs to function normally.  I understand the guilt that comes from knowingly mistreating yourself, body and soul. However, today I can present the face of hope to those of you still struggling. I am proof that there is a way back to good health and balance.  I know the way and I assure you I have done and seen it all; I have played every possible head game, and there is nothing a client can tell me that I haven't done myself. My clients sit before me and can see this truth. I hope reading this has convinced you of it, as well.  In the weeks to come, I will spell out for you the steps necessary for you to heal your life by healing the place where it all begins: in your head. When the mind gets healthy, the body will follow.  I didn't believe it myself, nor did I understand how sick I really was, but I do now.

So, I hope you follow me on the road back to yourself. If we do it together, the journey just might be a lot shorter than you thought.

Ready? Then, lets go. I'm here for you.