In Voice Dialogue, Paradoxes open the door to choice
Parodoxes are for Voice Dialogue what the body is for yoga: a place for exploration, a place for growth. Indeed where there is a paradox there is the possibility to explore a pair of opposites that is siting within us and that we might not be aware of.
Let's use the example of wanting to be healthy during Christmas Holidays. The situation in itself is a paradox which can lead to such an internal conflict that it becomes impossible for us to really enjoy the holidays; mainly because of the guilt we feel about indulging in food. Indeed Christmas being about indulging ... imagine if we are identify with the part of us, the self that likes to eat small portions of Living food, the whole holiday looks like a nightmare, a sit for intense guilt, especially when our family and friends are not identify with this self at all!
Imagine the torture to have to sit at the table for hours in a social setting where everybody is indulging in cooked and greasy food. We still want to be part of it and enjoy the company without to have to eat the food. The problem is the social pressure to please the cook... your mother!!! It is so intense that you start eating a little to please then the self that likes eating starts to kick in and we find ourself indulging in bread, cheese, sugar... It is at that moment that the internal conflict / guilt arises between the self who is eating and the self who is judging us for not eating healthy.It is at that moment that we become the battle field of a war between two internal opposites who have a life by themselves and by nature who cannot reconcile !!!
Every year the conflict becomes bigger and bigger unless we start to separate from this primary healthy self in order to have access to the less healthy one, the one who likes indulging in a more standard diet!
What does it means separating?
The key here is to be able to honor both sides of the opposite. Indeed when we are identify with the healthy part we do not have a choice. Every time we eat or want to eat something that is not that healthy we go into guilt because this part of us, this self is running the show without us participating in the process. The guilt shows we are not in control of our actions, the self is.
The first step in the voice dialogue process is to be able to recognize this. This is the Awareness level when we start to be able to map the psyche in relation to the present situation. Awareness is not enough to get ourselves out of the battlefield there must be some separation from the "primary self" in this case the healthy one. In Voice Dialogue it is as simple as giving a physical space to the self so it can express itself outside us so we can feel it as separated from us.
From there, we can finally start a real relationship. So the self is not in control, we are.
With time we will want to visit the other side of the battle which in this example is the indulging self. Then we can have a sense of the opposites involved as a source for clarity, understanding, help. Indeed in some situations like Christmas it is essential to also have access to the indulging self so we have a choice. The process will give us the opportunity to sit back in the driver's sit. By sitting in the middle of the two opposites and feeling them as separate we enter a space where choice is possible, "The Aware Ego", a space where we can observe opposites, consider both views, take what we like in both and so take decisions that will fulfilled both our needs and dreams.
Therefore during Christmas Holidays we might chose to be 50% healthy and 50% not that healthy. In that case the guilt goes because the decision comes from an Aware Ego, from a space of choice. We might also decide to indulge 100% at Christmas dinner but choose to eat healthy the rest of the holidays. The options are endless and personal. What is important here is that we are not a battlefield anymore so Christmas becomes enjoyable ... guilt free!!!
That's the real present.
Let's use the example of wanting to be healthy during Christmas Holidays. The situation in itself is a paradox which can lead to such an internal conflict that it becomes impossible for us to really enjoy the holidays; mainly because of the guilt we feel about indulging in food. Indeed Christmas being about indulging ... imagine if we are identify with the part of us, the self that likes to eat small portions of Living food, the whole holiday looks like a nightmare, a sit for intense guilt, especially when our family and friends are not identify with this self at all!
Imagine the torture to have to sit at the table for hours in a social setting where everybody is indulging in cooked and greasy food. We still want to be part of it and enjoy the company without to have to eat the food. The problem is the social pressure to please the cook... your mother!!! It is so intense that you start eating a little to please then the self that likes eating starts to kick in and we find ourself indulging in bread, cheese, sugar... It is at that moment that the internal conflict / guilt arises between the self who is eating and the self who is judging us for not eating healthy.It is at that moment that we become the battle field of a war between two internal opposites who have a life by themselves and by nature who cannot reconcile !!!
Every year the conflict becomes bigger and bigger unless we start to separate from this primary healthy self in order to have access to the less healthy one, the one who likes indulging in a more standard diet!
What does it means separating?
The key here is to be able to honor both sides of the opposite. Indeed when we are identify with the healthy part we do not have a choice. Every time we eat or want to eat something that is not that healthy we go into guilt because this part of us, this self is running the show without us participating in the process. The guilt shows we are not in control of our actions, the self is.
The first step in the voice dialogue process is to be able to recognize this. This is the Awareness level when we start to be able to map the psyche in relation to the present situation. Awareness is not enough to get ourselves out of the battlefield there must be some separation from the "primary self" in this case the healthy one. In Voice Dialogue it is as simple as giving a physical space to the self so it can express itself outside us so we can feel it as separated from us.
From there, we can finally start a real relationship. So the self is not in control, we are.
With time we will want to visit the other side of the battle which in this example is the indulging self. Then we can have a sense of the opposites involved as a source for clarity, understanding, help. Indeed in some situations like Christmas it is essential to also have access to the indulging self so we have a choice. The process will give us the opportunity to sit back in the driver's sit. By sitting in the middle of the two opposites and feeling them as separate we enter a space where choice is possible, "The Aware Ego", a space where we can observe opposites, consider both views, take what we like in both and so take decisions that will fulfilled both our needs and dreams.
Therefore during Christmas Holidays we might chose to be 50% healthy and 50% not that healthy. In that case the guilt goes because the decision comes from an Aware Ego, from a space of choice. We might also decide to indulge 100% at Christmas dinner but choose to eat healthy the rest of the holidays. The options are endless and personal. What is important here is that we are not a battlefield anymore so Christmas becomes enjoyable ... guilt free!!!
That's the real present.
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