Getting your mother or father dressed can be a pretty stressful daily event.
That is, until you develop a routine.
A routine helps you deal with the idea that you're dressing a parent and helps them keep some of their dignity.
So, here is the routine that my mother and I have developed.
She has trouble getting dressed.
Loose shirts are difficult for her because it is harder to find the sleeves into which to put her arms.
Stiff garments, such as sweatshirts, work a whole lot better.
We stay away from buttons and snaps and use pullover shirts and pull-up pants.
We go into the bedroom.
We go to the corner where there are no mirrors.
Then I help her pull off any underwear that she has on under her nightgown.
Sometimes she doesn't understand what I want her to do, so I tug at the side of her underwear and pull down until she understands.
I snatch the old underwear and throw it into hall so that she doesn't try to put it on again.
I hand her the new pair.
Sometimes she's able to put it on herself.
Sometimes I need to lay it on the floor and I help her put her feet into it.
Then I turn away as she pulls it up.
Next I face her away from me.
I help her pull her nightgown over her head.
Then I take her brassiere and reach forward and hover it in front of her by the straps.
She puts her arms in, fits herself into it and brings the ends to her back.
I clasp the ends together and then tell her to adjust herself if needed.
The system works.
Then I ask her to turn around and I hand her the deodorant and she puts that on.
I can't put it on myself - I can't do it.
No.
My father puts it on her; I make her do it herself.
I try to make jokes when we're getting dressed, to detract from the stark reality of the process.
When she's done with the deodorant, I take it out of her hands or else she will keep playing with it, making motions like she's trying to put the cap on.
I hand her pants, which are jeans or whatever has been freshly washed.
I hand the pants to her in such a way that she can reach down and step into them.
She often turns them around backwards.
It's okay.
I turn them around again.
She usually takes the pants and puts them on herself.
This is something that Dad does for her, but I usually make her do it herself to keep her skills up.
Sometimes she is weaker so she sits on the bed and I help her.
I pull them over her feet and shins and she does the rest.
Then we put her shirt on.
I take her glasses off and put them on the bureau.
First the shirt goes over her head; then I pull the cloth over her shoulders.
She takes it from there.
Sometimes she can get her arms in, sometimes she can't and I have to help.
The stiffer clothes such as sweatshirts are easier because they retain their shape.
She puts those on herself.
I give her back her glasses and then we're done!