You said 'yes'.
You set the date.
You asked your best girl friends to be bridesmaids.
Well...
except for one.
What to do when you realize that one of the girls you invited to stand by you and support you during this very special time is creating a problem.
Sometimes it comes from jealously.
Sometimes times there is a personal issue which surfaces in the middle of your wedding planning.
Once in awhile it finally comes to light that this girl was never your friend in the first place.
Whatever the cause, the stress that this discord creates can ruin your happy day.
For instance, the ring given you by your fiancé is not as big as what she wants/has or you opted for a plainer, less expensive cake and she tells you it looks cheap and proceeds to announce that the cake she picked out for her wedding will cost $6000.
00 and be so much fancier.
She complains about the other attendants, the dresses, the shoes, the venue, the music...
you see the pattern.
So what to do? Politeness would tell us to grin and bear it.
Once that invitation to become part of the wedding party is issued, it is not to be rescinded.
Why? Because taking back the request to join the wedding party as a bridesmaid would ruin a friendship.
However, what if the real problem is that there is no friendship there after all.
Does that make a difference? Does that make it o.
k.
? Well, it all depends on who you ask.
Psychologists and etiquette experts would sometimes disagree.
From a psychological point of view, the stress of having someone who is making you miserable during your wedding planning and potentially on your wedding day is not healthy for you or those near you who care about your feelings.
They would tell you that while you don't want to hurt the offender's feelings, apparently the offender has no such qualms about your feelings.
Etiquette rules still say no, except in extreme cases.
If someone is making you sad all of the time, that IS an extreme case.
How then do you attack the task of dismissing someone short of stealing a line from a famous billionaire's TV show: You're fired! Factual truth is the best way to approach the offending bridesmaid.
Make a list of issues that have proved too upsetting.
Practice what you will say in a calm voice.
Try not to use the word 'you' in an accusing way.
Support your reasons with facts.
For example: Susan, I cannot say how sad I am to say this, but I have decided that it will be best if you are not a bridesmaid in our wedding.
(This is where you offer up your facts) This should ideally be done before the bridesmaid dress is purchased and before she has incurred any other expenses.
However, if those funds have already been spent, then you must reimburse her for those things, no questions asked.
Expect angry words and/or tears.
Having your groom or a friend with you will give you the support you need.
Remember this is a last resort decision.
Do not rush into uninviting a bridesmaid because you are almost guaranteed that this action will dissolve what friendship is left.
If you and this girl are just upset with each other over a small thing, this is not the move for you.
Kicking her out of the lineup because she gained the Freshman 50 instead of the 15 and you are concerned about how your photos look is also not a reason.
Asking someone to not be a bridesmaid should only be broached when it is too hurtful to be around her any longer and you are prepared to never speak with her again.
Notice that this is not written for the groom and his groomsmen.
Interestingly, they just don't seem to have this problem! Figures.