Rejection is inevitable if you are an actor.
In the beginning there will probably be more knocks than applause -- more rejections than roles booked.
How do you handle these devastating attacks on your ego if you are constantly being rejected? How does an actor survive the first years? Here are a few tested ways to live with the countless "thank you" followed by silence.
Your first job, of course, is to give such a memorable, knock 'em dead audition that they will cast you even though they wanted a 6'2" hunk and you are 5'8" and on the skinny side.
However that's probably not going to happen but you can be so marvelous that they will remember you and call you in for something else.
Or occasionally miracles happen: (This is a true story) A role called for "Mrs.
Morales" and one actress called in to audition was a blonde Norwegian.
Yes, the casting office had seen her headshot.
Maybe the audition call was an error.
Our Norwegian enters the room.
A quick shuffling of papers at the casting table.
She reads the sides.
And a mini-miracle happens.
The casting director and the episode director liked the actress and her reading so much that they changed a few words in the script, gave the character a new name and cast her.
Moral? A fabulous audition plus some savvy, flexible casting people occasionally equals role bagged.
This doesn't happen often.
But it does happen.
The first step to being a successful actor is training, training, training, presence, poise, charm that all add up to a knock 'em dead audition.
And even then there will be miles of rejections! Chances are that in spite of how marvelous you may be, the beginning of an acting career you will hear a lot more "Thank yous" than "You are just what we have been looking for!" Yes, early on it may well be rejection after rejection after rejection.
Silent no, no, no.
Thank you.
So how to survive? How to live with some kind of emotional stability while collecting all those rejections? Without some protection like alligator skin you are going to make yourself and everyone else who knows you miserable.
The road to Oz will be paved with pot holes and hot coals.
The dilemma is how do we develop alligator toughness about the business and still remain open and sensitive to life (so we can grow as human beings and thus grow in our ability to perform).
HANDLING KNOCKS The journey toward success has to be as important as the goal itself.
Success, achieving your ultimate professional dreams, does not guarantee happiness.
Somewhere along the route to whatever goal you have set, learn the lesson of happiness.
Every step of the road to success, every second of the audition phase of a career, a thing called "life" is happening.
It is a waste of life just to wait for life to begin once you are successful.
We are drilled in drama classes to be in the moment.
In the moment must also apply to living our own minute-by-minute life.
The glass is indeed half full.
Discover and delete your own rejection tape, the negative tape that replays endlessly in your head because of all the rejections.
Focus on the half full glass.
If you dwell on the rejections, your inner feeling of defeat will show the minute you enter the audition room.
I am not advising an "it's the best of all possible worlds" attitude.
But I am saying that dwelling on the half empty glass will destroy the journey to acting success and will affect your non-acting life and greatly influence your auditions.
I have learned the hard way that the journey itself must be happy.
I deliberately use the word "happy" rather than the word "fun.
" Happiness is not the same thing as fun in my lexicon.
Fun is watching Pepper, the diva cat, jump and chase her "string thing" toy.
Happiness is a deep certainty that everything is OK.
And no, I do not think you will become less actively engaged in self-promotion, open calls, mailings--all the things which will help you attain your goal--if you figure out how to be happy.
I do not think happiness decreases ambition or drive (coupled with hard work).
I passionately believe it is possible to be obsessed with improving your art and being successful and still be happy.
There is no question that some rain in your life will probably make you a more compassionate human being and thus a finer actor.
But "rain" is not losing a role.
"Rain" is the life stuff which causes grief.
Losing a role is not a genuine grief causer.
There will always be other auditions and other roles.
So stop meowing and mewling.
Use some common sense.
On a screen of significant things in life not getting a callback doesn't even rate a blip.
Be excited about the fact that you were able to audition.
Make sure your audition met your self-set standards of excellence.
Take pride in a job well done and pride is part of happiness.
A SPECIFIC KNOCK Not Worth a Nanosecond of Thought "The assistant to the casting director doesn't like me.
I'll never get past her so the casting director will hear me.
" Thus spake one of my students.
Answer 1.
How do you know the assistant doesn't like you? ("I can just tell.
") This is called creating a fantasy.
You cannot tell what crags and rocks lie on the landscape of casting people's minds.
You cannot tell whether or not someone behind an audition table likes you in the two minutes you spend with them.
Who knows what slings and arrows hit the casting director the morning of your audition? And if you have seen the same casting person at three open calls and every time thought you were disliked, then what? Either stop going or make up a game called "You are not about to ruin my terrific audition.
I do not yield my power as a performer over to your scowling face.
" Because I had to grow alligator skin for auditioning, I learned to say to myself, "And if you can do it better than I am, then get up and do it!" But that's just me being Irish and feisty.
Remember it is indeed said only to myself, and does not diminish that dazzling charm and smile one atom.
Take some comfort that very few youngsters say, "Think I'll be a casting associate when I grow up.
" Nope.
They all want to act and couldn't or didn't have the courage or talent or drive or or or.
That sentence, "If you can do it better, then get up and do it" may sound arrogant.
But it is probably true.
So be pleased at your own courage.
Being courageous brings satisfaction and satisfaction is close relative to happiness.
Answer 2.
You should be so focused on what you are doing that you have nothing left over to start examining the facial expression, the aura, or psyche of a casting director.
You are there to present yourself, not to analyze their response.
Later, analyze your performance, not their response.
Don't be lured into thinking just because they laugh or cry in the appropriate places that you will be cast.
That expectation leads to too much disappointment.
Do the best job you can do.
Be imaginative.
Walk out proud.
And then do everything you can to forget the audition.
The greatest word you can learn is "next.
" "Next" points to the next audition.
"Next" emphasizes future opportunity, not past rejection.
Answer 3.
If you are immediately revolting to them, it surely cannot have anything to do with you.
You might remind them of their wicked stepmother or cruel stepfather.
Who knows? I was cast once because I reminded the director of his first grade teacher.
Who knows how many roles were lost for the same reason! Answer 4.
There is nothing you can do anyway if they don't like you.
Your job is to perform.
Not to analyze the casting people..
Answer 5: Even if you are a mind reader, own the world's most polished crystal ball, and pick up vibes as if you were a Geiger counter, you may still be doing a wrong reading in this instance.
Again you are not there to "read" them.
You are there to knock 'em dead.
REMINDER: No matter what subliminal messages you are receiving, turn them off.
Close the incoming circuit.
Stop the infernal internal chatter.
Most of it is that rampant disease called "lack of confidence.
" And do not for one second allow them to know that you think they don't like you.
Grin and smile and be pleasant.
Do a superb audition.
That is why you are there.
The old "The casting director doesn't like me" syndrome is guaranteed to make you angry, hurt, create self doubts, and make the road to success unnecessarily rocky, and the road of life unhappy.
WHY DIDN'T I GET the ROLE? You will seldom know the answer.
Maybe even the casting directors do not know precisely why they cast whom they cast.
Or it could be a grocery list of reasons: The male lead needs an actor who is not six inches shorter than the already cast actress.
The lead actress is a red head.
You, the auditioning second lead, also have red hair.
Someone else has better resume credentials.
You remind them of detested Aunt Belle (or Uncle Ben ).
You didn't do as well as you thought you did.
Lots of possible reasons you were rejected.
You just do not know! You can waste a lot of life wondering, fussing, fuming, torturing yourself.
It is past.
Even if you found out why you didn't get that particular role, the event is over.
It is done.
You cannot please every casting director and you can indeed twist yourself into a pretzel if you try to figure out what each director wants.
Keep working.
Keep learning.
Keep growing.
Keep auditioning.
Keep self-submitting.
Keep the glass half full attitude.
It sure beats flogging yourself.
Let me share two personal stories-both true-where I did find out the reason for their casting choice.
But hear this: Knowing the reasons did not help one iota!.
Story 1: There was a role I was born to play.
The reader at the audition was superb.
The casting director genuinely praised the work.
Was not cast.
Weeks later I bumped into the reader who said the play's director wanted the teacher ("my role") to look like the student being mentored by my character.
The student role was already cast.
I didn't look like her.
Role lost.
Reason: Because I looked like me, not like someone else! Story 2: Well into rehearsal, I asked a director why he cast me.
His answer: "I loved the Irish tweed cap you wore at the audition.
" Great! Would he have cast Pepper the diva cat if I'd stuck the cap on her furry head! Even if you find out why you are or are not cast, the answer may have nothing to do with your talent.
So there is no sense in doubting your talent just because you were rejected.
Fixating on why you were rejected for a role makes you miserable.
The goal is to learn that life is going on all the while you are being miserable.
Do not allow self-imposed misery to be your goal in life.
Want to be successful? Want to handle rejection? Be pleasant, be happy, enjoy what you have--all the while aiming higher and higher.
Make life as pleasant as possible for everyone around you.
And the real miracle happens.
The success as an actor who handles rejection turns into success as a human being.
I promise you, you will eventually be cast.
You will.
Just add a dollop of happiness until the roles start coming in.
Learn early on your audition road that happiness is essential and must not be based on getting a role.
Success for the beginning actor is also measured by the way you handle the pot holes, not merely by the roles you win or lose..