Perspective

• Relationships and marriages can be complicated by infidelity and cheating. Though these occurrences are hurtful and damaging to the psyche at times, it is still necessary to put the situation in perspective. Without clear, concise perspective during this time, it will be even more difficult to confront your spouse. Take some time to gather yourself and ensure you are ready to face the situation head on. Clearing your thoughts and mind will make it easier to plan during the decision-making process. Do whatever you need to regain focus and calm yourself in order to reduce the chance of making a bad decision or approaching the situation blindly.
  
  

Gather facts

• Before you rush in to confront your spouse with assumptions, you may want to make sure that you have something more concrete to present. A feeling you may have will be easily dismissed by a slick-talking spouse. Facts are necessary during the confrontation to prevent a case of false accusation. This may also save you a headache or heartache if the situation comes to be bogus as well. Find relevant facts that support your case of infidelity or cheating. Late work nights, unexplained disappearances, rushing to the shower as soon as they get in the door, all of these signs should be noticed and made note of. If possible, and your patience can hold, take the time to chronologically record events that are sketchy from overheard conversations and phone calls or whatever else you may feel is pertinent. This is also the time when you will need to prepare a script for the confrontation. Write or memorize exact questions and responses in order to keep yourself on task once the confrontation takes place.
  
  

Present your case

• Confronting your spouse should be done with extreme caution because these situations tend to spiral out of control quickly. Be sure it is done at a time that catches them off guard but will not cause them to react too adversely. Moments when they are actually with the other person should be avoided unless they are in a public place because the situation may quickly turn violent when emotions flare. In which case, it is best to have someone there you trust to help ensure that you remain under control and will serve as a witness to the situation. Present all your facts to your spouse and wait for their reaction. After hearing what they have to say, try to gauge the truthfulness of their response by your familiarity with them. Stay away from physical conflict as much and stick to the prepared script as much as possible. Avoid allowing your spouse to change the subject or get off task because they may try to avoid answering questions. Demand responses in a fashion that does not sacrifice all of your integrity. Soon after you have finished your confrontation, have a place to leave to immediately in order to remove yourself from them for a moment. Having an exit will allow your emotions time to settle, as well as your spouse's, and provide you with a chance think about your next step.