Be Early

• Make decisions on holiday periods early. Consulting with family members and talking to each other well ahead of time gives everyone a chance to weigh things up, brain storm options and make decisions. Leaving difficcult conversations to the last minute can result in people feeling offended, or not important. Taking lots of time is good for married couples as well, as time limitations increases pressure and tension.
  
  

Listening

• Spend time listening to each other and trying to empathize how the other one feels. People come from very different backgrounds and from very different families sometimes. If you have specific family traditions, customs, or religious beliefs, let the other one know that you need them to try and understand. It isn't about one person getting their way -- it is about learning how to work together as a team, and create decisions that are fair and mutual.
  
  

Win-Win

• Aim for win-win solutions to hard decisions. If there is conflict between different family members or groups of the family, consensus is the name of the game. According to Richard Bolstad, psychotherapist and author of "transforming communication," achieving a win-win solution between family members encourages people to work together and find solutions that work for everyone. Desicions have to be unanimous, or else someone will be left feeling resentful, left out or disapointed.
  
  

Priorities

• Determine if it is more important to spend time or holidays with one family over the other. While often families can be very understanding, you need to take into account how often you spend time with them during the rest of the year, if one family has been going through hard times. If in-laws are becoming elderly and their health is in decline, you need to make the most of the time you have to spend with them.
  
  

Boundaries

• Refuse to let extended family members put pressure on you and your relationship. According to Susan Forward, PhD., author of "Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage," many in-laws are wonderful and encouraging people -- but some can be pushy, overbearing, and even aggressive. Often this behavior stems from them simply have no understanding of the effect they are having on you, or anybody else. Be assertive and let them know that you need to make a decision as a couple.
  
  

Dividing Holidays

• Divide up the holidays when all else fails. You can't always get it perfect or fair, and according to an online article published on "ParentDish" in November, 2010, sometimes you just have to see one set of in-laws during one holiday, and see the other in-laws during the next. Let your families know that you are doing your absolute best to show them both that you love them, and want to see them, and this may be the best way to achieve that.