Recently I had the opportunity to interview Nancy Torrenti, a mother who has coached her daughter in cheerleading for six years. I was immediately struck by the fact that she had done it successfully. Her relationship with her daughter had not suffered, in fact it seemed stronger. There was a mutual respect between them. More importantly, her program was a success and she had accomplished dividing or merging (however you want to look at it) the roles of coach and mother.

What follows are some of my questions and her answers:
Q. What was the most difficult part about coaching your daughter?
A. The hardest part was probably not trying to baby her at times, it seems we would have to go to a business relationship. So it probably meant that I was tougher on her, expecting more of her than the other girls. Having to discipline her wasn't always easy, but I am sure I felt I needed to show the other girls I wasn't letting the coaches daughter get away with things.

Q. Did you ever find yourself going out of your way to not appear partial to her?
A. Yes, in some circumstances I probably used her as an example to show the other girls what expectations I had of them. As she got older it made things stressful, especially if we disagreed about something. There were times when she would be the one doing the push-ups because she was talking back, but that was mostly when she got to be older.

Q. Did you ever have to deal with the other squad members thinking that you were showing favoritism to her?
A.

With the park district experience I remember a few problems with placement in a competition format, or some people wanting a certain placement in a stunt. But my squads were always big enough, average size was 30, so I had plenty of girls to pick from for certain things. With the all-star squad, I had a couple of high school girls (my daughter was the youngest in the group) that I had problems with. One in particular would go out of her way to make it difficult for my daughter. She basically had an attitude with everyone, including me, and was eventually cut! I always felt that good communication was essential to a good squad. If any of these problems would arise, I would address them either at a squad meeting, (no names would be mentioned) or I would pull the girl out to talk to her one on one. It was important that the girls knew that one girl did not make a squad, but that it was what would be in the best interest of the entire team! I know that my daughter was on the receiving end of this occasionally.

Q. If you had criticism did you find it came more from parents or squad members?
A. I felt for the most part that I always had a supportive group of parents and cheerleaders. If there was criticism about having a squad with my daughter on it, I didn't really hear about it. (The one girl on the all-star squad is the only one that stands out in my mind) With the park district what I think I heard most was that I was forgetting it was "just" a park district program. I was trying to raise the bar, but I soon learned in coaching, as hard as I tried, I couldn't please everyone!

From Nancy Torrenti: My coaching career started quite by accident. My daughter was signing up for cheerleading through the park district program, and they didn't have any coaches for her level. That day began the journey that would last for 6 years. As the years went by I got more and more involved. Five of the six years were coaching for the park district, three of these five also involved directing the program. The sixth year was coaching my all-star squad.