How To Deal With Infidelity And Save Your Marriage
For most people, learning how to deal with infidelity and save your marriage can be a long, difficult and painful process to go through. Finding out that a spouse is guilty of infidelity can be one of the most devasting things to come to terms with in a marriage. In order to recover and deal with infidelity, one has to come to terms with a lot of painful issues that may have caused the infidelity to occur in the first place.
You might be wondering if your relationship can be saved and if you will ever be able to trust your spouse again. Right now you are dealing with feelings of anger and rage that your spouse has cheated on you and you will be wondering whether or not you will ever be able to love and trust your spouse again.
There are many stages that you will go through in order to learn how to deal with infidelity. Here are just some of the phases that you can expect to go through on your road to recovery.
1. Initially, you will be in a state of shock and will be in denial that your spouse has been involved with another person on an emotional or physical level. Once you come to the realization that this has been actually happening, this will cause you to go into a rage. As a result, this rage may cause you to be out of control with your emotions and behaviour and will cause you to do things you wouldn't normally do like uncontrollable crying, breaking things and screaming. In this phase you cannot see past your anger as you are dealing with an incrediable hurt.
2. Once you come to the realization that your spouse has been unfaithful to you, feelings of rage may set in causing you to want to get revenge on your spouse. At this stage you are not in your right mind and you might be planning on ways to get revenge on your spouse or the other person that you spouse cheated with.
3. Once you get past the feelings of revenge, and you are ready to let go of your anger, you and your spouse can begin to take steps to sit down together and determine why this infidelity happened in the first place. These talks with your partner will be very revealing and hurtful but it will help to get at the root of what the underyling problem is in the relationship. It will take complete cooperation from both parties and especially from the cheater if the marriage is to be saved and this will only happen if both partners want to save the marriage and/or go their separate ways.
When you have identified what the reason or reasons are for the infidelity in the first place, these problems need to be dealt with immediately. You both have to identify what the problems are, whether it is just complete bordem in the relationship, sexually unsatified, or there is someone else at work, the cheater has to raise these issues and decide how they can be resolved.
4. You and your partner then need to set realistic goals such as deciding whether the two of you can continue to live together knowing that everything has changed as a result of this affair, and having to deal with this on a daily basis. You have to feel that you can trust your spouse again and that you can forgive him/her for the pain that they have caused you. Learning to forgive means not beating your spouse over the head on a daily basis with constant questions about the affair.
You will both have to see that each party is taking responsiblity and is moving forward in terms of trying to repair the relationship and that the cheater has vowed to never betray you again. If you see that these things are happening then you can realistically see that your marriage can be saved.
On the other hand, if the betrayer is not cooperating and is still making contact with the other man or woman and sneaking around, then maybe a reconciliation is not a realistic goal. You have to assess the situation and decide what is best for you going forward.
Remember that learning how to deal with infidelity in a marriage is never easy, but if both partners agree that the marriage is worth saving and more importantly if there are children involved, then it is imperative that the reasons for the infidelity be identified and a resolution be put in place to rebuild the relationship.
You might be wondering if your relationship can be saved and if you will ever be able to trust your spouse again. Right now you are dealing with feelings of anger and rage that your spouse has cheated on you and you will be wondering whether or not you will ever be able to love and trust your spouse again.
There are many stages that you will go through in order to learn how to deal with infidelity. Here are just some of the phases that you can expect to go through on your road to recovery.
1. Initially, you will be in a state of shock and will be in denial that your spouse has been involved with another person on an emotional or physical level. Once you come to the realization that this has been actually happening, this will cause you to go into a rage. As a result, this rage may cause you to be out of control with your emotions and behaviour and will cause you to do things you wouldn't normally do like uncontrollable crying, breaking things and screaming. In this phase you cannot see past your anger as you are dealing with an incrediable hurt.
2. Once you come to the realization that your spouse has been unfaithful to you, feelings of rage may set in causing you to want to get revenge on your spouse. At this stage you are not in your right mind and you might be planning on ways to get revenge on your spouse or the other person that you spouse cheated with.
3. Once you get past the feelings of revenge, and you are ready to let go of your anger, you and your spouse can begin to take steps to sit down together and determine why this infidelity happened in the first place. These talks with your partner will be very revealing and hurtful but it will help to get at the root of what the underyling problem is in the relationship. It will take complete cooperation from both parties and especially from the cheater if the marriage is to be saved and this will only happen if both partners want to save the marriage and/or go their separate ways.
When you have identified what the reason or reasons are for the infidelity in the first place, these problems need to be dealt with immediately. You both have to identify what the problems are, whether it is just complete bordem in the relationship, sexually unsatified, or there is someone else at work, the cheater has to raise these issues and decide how they can be resolved.
4. You and your partner then need to set realistic goals such as deciding whether the two of you can continue to live together knowing that everything has changed as a result of this affair, and having to deal with this on a daily basis. You have to feel that you can trust your spouse again and that you can forgive him/her for the pain that they have caused you. Learning to forgive means not beating your spouse over the head on a daily basis with constant questions about the affair.
You will both have to see that each party is taking responsiblity and is moving forward in terms of trying to repair the relationship and that the cheater has vowed to never betray you again. If you see that these things are happening then you can realistically see that your marriage can be saved.
On the other hand, if the betrayer is not cooperating and is still making contact with the other man or woman and sneaking around, then maybe a reconciliation is not a realistic goal. You have to assess the situation and decide what is best for you going forward.
Remember that learning how to deal with infidelity in a marriage is never easy, but if both partners agree that the marriage is worth saving and more importantly if there are children involved, then it is imperative that the reasons for the infidelity be identified and a resolution be put in place to rebuild the relationship.
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