Dear Lesbian Life:
I sent my boss a birthday gift. She received the gift. It was confirmed but she has yet to contact me and say thank you. She sends so many mixed messages. The message I sent on the card was "Happy Birthday. I think we have a lot in common." Then I gave her my number.
Well today I saw her and she spoke loud to get my attention then walked back and forth in front of me and the person I was having an in depth conversation with. My boss just stared at me. She needs to make the first move. She could have just approached me. What do you make of this situation?
Boss-Lover

Dear Boss Lover:

This is a situation I would approach with caution. Many companies have a policy against the boss dating someone under her. If she did make the first move, she could lose her job. Hitting on you or asking you out is something she will most likely be leery of because there is always the possibility you could hit her up with a "sexual harassment" lawsuit.
The other thing to consider is, if you did go ahead and have a relationship with her, it is not starting out on equal footing. She is your superior at work. She has the power to hire you, fire you, promote you, demote you or transfer you. Even if she has the best ethics and tries to keep her personal feelings about you from the workplace, people you work with could perceive favoritism, talk behind your back or be uncomfortable. They may accuse you of getting favorable treatment, even if you are not.

If the relationship doesn't work out, you're looking at a pretty uncomfortable working environment.

Are You Out to Your Boss?

You also don't say whether or not you are out to your boss and if she is out to you.

You don't mention how gay-friendly your work environment is and if it is a safe place for employees to be out.

Because of all the issues involved with workplace romance, if your boss is an ethical person, she may be afraid to make a move on you, even if she is attracted to you.

As a matter of fact, getting involved with anyone at work is risky. Although there are certainly stories in our "How We Met" section of couples who met at work, dating a co-worker has its risks as well. Although they cannot forbid it, many companies frown on employees dating each other.

For LGBT people, there are extra things you need to consider before approaching a co-worker for romance. You have to consider how out the other person is and if dating you will "out" them on the job. Many companies have employment policies that protect gay, lesbian, bisexual and trans workers, but not all do. And because there is no federal legislation (yet) that prevents someone from being fired because they are gay, this is something you might have to keep in mind.

Also, when you date someone at work, the dynamic changes, not just in your relationship, but for other co-workers and members of your team. There may be preferential treatment between you. Your co-workers may feel excluded. You have to be aware of the potential problems that may happen.

Even with all the above to consider, yes it does happen. People do date their co-workers and bosses. If you are serious about wanting to date your boss, it is probably up to you to make the next move, not her. She has much more to lose if you are not interested. You may think the card was enough to let her know your intentions, but I suggest being a bit more explicit. Tell her that you'd like to get to know her outside of the work environment. Ask her to meet for drinks after work one day.

If she turns you down, respect her wishes and don't pursue it. Remember you can be charged with sexual harassment too.