How to Come Out If You"re Famous
This is a supporting article for all those celebrities out there who want to come out, and haven't figured out how.
Before I give away tips, I also wanted to share my opinions on celebrity coming outs.
I used to a "coming out nazi.
" I used to say, 'Every day that celebrity _____ _______ doesn't come out is a day that gay teenagers kill themselves because they lack celebrity role models! These celebrities are killing these teenagers.
'...
like I said.
I was a bit of a tyrant about it.
Since then, I've realized that yes, coming out is morally the right thing for them to do.
But, more importantly, as a social contract, it's immoral for me to force anyone to come out.
So being a tyrant is really bad, and I've stopped doing that.
Managing the style and form that you communicate with others is your responsibility, and no one else's.
You can still come out without losing fans.
But it's all about the style in which you tell people.
Here are some tips to help you come out and still stay on top...
1.
Trust them.
My wedding is one of the happiest days of my life.
We had 200 guests at the Dallas World Aquarium in 2002.
All of parents were there.
Even my anti-gay brotherfrom Oklahoma was there for the reception, and everyone got along great.
Now consider this: many of the people that came to our wedding were against homosexuality, including both sets of parents.
But why were they there? Because my youngest sister told my mom, "I can't think of anything more horrible than not going to your own son's wedding.
You are going!" And a few months later, my parents decided to come.
As for Dave's parents, he hadn't been out to them for even a year.
And up until 2 days before the wedding, they weren't coming.
It was all too new, and we didn't expect them to come.
Suddenly, one of Dave's close relatives had a chat with Dave's father.
At the end of that phone call, they decided to come to the wedding the next day.
They drove up from San Antonio and walked Dave down the aisle.
When you are honest about who you truly are, your true fans will sway everyone else to accept you.
The people that love you far outnumber the people who might hold judgment.
And fairly quickly, love always wins out.
2.
Do it in Stages.
There's an old saying: You don't boil a lobster by throwing it in the a pot of boiling of water.
That's because it will jump right out.
You boil a lobster by putting it in warm water.
Then slowing turning up the heat.
The best coming outs are done the same way.
There are hints you can drop that tell people in more and more obvious terms that you are gay.
Rosie O'Donnell played this game well by playing a lesbian on Will and Grace, then initially coming out during a stand-up routine.
This subtle series of moves gave people time to acclimate, without so much time that speculation takes over.
Create a series of small subtle statements or steps that move you towards being out.
If you ever feel like a step is too big, simply break into smaller steps until you feel comfortable.
For example:
When you see that no one noticed, you will gain confidence that nothing ever will happen (and it probably won't).
Take a steady pace, but do set a day once a week to mention "him" or the name of a dance club.
As your confidence grows, go for larger and larger clues until you feel you've come out all the way! 3.
Act normal.
If you act like it's not a big deal, so will they.
I was amazed that there were no fights at our wedding.
Absolutely shocked that everyone got along.
I finally figured out why.
Everyone knows what to do and how to act at weddings.
From an early age, weddings follow a certain drill.
Our wedding was no exception.
There was a ceremony and a party.
And because everyone knew what to do, they did not consider it a big deal.
The same applies to coming out.
If you never do a "show" on it, that's fine! The people that are anti-gay are mostly confronted by a front-end collision with the idea.
They don't care at all if you are subtle about it.
Remember that being gay was common before any of us were born.
So "traditionalists" aren't against being gay, as much as they are against being obvious.
So if you casually mention a guy or girl, but you never dwell on it, your fans won't either.
They'll just continue on their merry way, and continue to appreciate what you provide them every day.
Before I give away tips, I also wanted to share my opinions on celebrity coming outs.
I used to a "coming out nazi.
" I used to say, 'Every day that celebrity _____ _______ doesn't come out is a day that gay teenagers kill themselves because they lack celebrity role models! These celebrities are killing these teenagers.
'...
like I said.
I was a bit of a tyrant about it.
Since then, I've realized that yes, coming out is morally the right thing for them to do.
But, more importantly, as a social contract, it's immoral for me to force anyone to come out.
So being a tyrant is really bad, and I've stopped doing that.
Managing the style and form that you communicate with others is your responsibility, and no one else's.
You can still come out without losing fans.
But it's all about the style in which you tell people.
Here are some tips to help you come out and still stay on top...
1.
Trust them.
My wedding is one of the happiest days of my life.
We had 200 guests at the Dallas World Aquarium in 2002.
All of parents were there.
Even my anti-gay brotherfrom Oklahoma was there for the reception, and everyone got along great.
Now consider this: many of the people that came to our wedding were against homosexuality, including both sets of parents.
But why were they there? Because my youngest sister told my mom, "I can't think of anything more horrible than not going to your own son's wedding.
You are going!" And a few months later, my parents decided to come.
As for Dave's parents, he hadn't been out to them for even a year.
And up until 2 days before the wedding, they weren't coming.
It was all too new, and we didn't expect them to come.
Suddenly, one of Dave's close relatives had a chat with Dave's father.
At the end of that phone call, they decided to come to the wedding the next day.
They drove up from San Antonio and walked Dave down the aisle.
When you are honest about who you truly are, your true fans will sway everyone else to accept you.
The people that love you far outnumber the people who might hold judgment.
And fairly quickly, love always wins out.
2.
Do it in Stages.
There's an old saying: You don't boil a lobster by throwing it in the a pot of boiling of water.
That's because it will jump right out.
You boil a lobster by putting it in warm water.
Then slowing turning up the heat.
The best coming outs are done the same way.
There are hints you can drop that tell people in more and more obvious terms that you are gay.
Rosie O'Donnell played this game well by playing a lesbian on Will and Grace, then initially coming out during a stand-up routine.
This subtle series of moves gave people time to acclimate, without so much time that speculation takes over.
Create a series of small subtle statements or steps that move you towards being out.
If you ever feel like a step is too big, simply break into smaller steps until you feel comfortable.
For example:
- Mention a gay night club
- Mention your partner's / ex-partner's by first name
- Mention a date and use the correct pronoun ("he" or "she" accurately)
When you see that no one noticed, you will gain confidence that nothing ever will happen (and it probably won't).
Take a steady pace, but do set a day once a week to mention "him" or the name of a dance club.
As your confidence grows, go for larger and larger clues until you feel you've come out all the way! 3.
Act normal.
If you act like it's not a big deal, so will they.
I was amazed that there were no fights at our wedding.
Absolutely shocked that everyone got along.
I finally figured out why.
Everyone knows what to do and how to act at weddings.
From an early age, weddings follow a certain drill.
Our wedding was no exception.
There was a ceremony and a party.
And because everyone knew what to do, they did not consider it a big deal.
The same applies to coming out.
If you never do a "show" on it, that's fine! The people that are anti-gay are mostly confronted by a front-end collision with the idea.
They don't care at all if you are subtle about it.
Remember that being gay was common before any of us were born.
So "traditionalists" aren't against being gay, as much as they are against being obvious.
So if you casually mention a guy or girl, but you never dwell on it, your fans won't either.
They'll just continue on their merry way, and continue to appreciate what you provide them every day.
Source...