John and Sarah had been looking forward to their holiday for months.
Busy workloads for both of them, children to ferry to countless sporting activities and an elderly father who needed looking after meant that their relationship was starting to feel the strain.
They both felt sure a fortnight away would help their marriage.
Instead, they spent the time rowing and feeling misunderstood and just weeks later, they decided to separate.
Simon and Judy had been together for almost seven years and he had finally persuaded her it was time to start a family when she was offered a fantastic promotion with a large increase in salary.
She felt a baby could come later but she might never get another chance like this one.
He felt she was looking for excuses to delay settling down.
Two months later their relationship collapsed under the strain.
People believe that if they have a lot in common, they are a match made in heaven.
There is nothing like meeting someone new and discovering you enjoy the same music, went to the same university or work in the same industry.
"Snap" you say, thinking that with so many things in common you may well have met the man or woman of your dreams.
The reality, however, is that two people may have a lot in common and yet may still not be well suited for each other.
Common interests just aren't enough.
It's at the level of common values that relationships are made or are broken.
Rather than your mutual interests and backgrounds, it is your mutual values that are the real glue of great relationships.
The Importance of Personal Values What are values anyway, you might ask? Values are the things that are really important to you -- they are an expression of who you are.
Your values are what drive your decisions and choices.
Your values are what motivate you.
Your values are what you couldn't live without and be you.
We all have different values even for the same things.
We have different values around time, work, money and relationships, for example.
Some people are ambitious in their careers, others in their private relationships and lives.
Some spend their money on expensive clothes and fast cars, while others prefer to spend their money on holidays -- and others prefer not to spend their money at all! Your values are a product of your personality, your background and experiences and are reflected in your goals, relationships, personal possessions and preferences.
And as in our case studies the differences in your personal values will get exposed when you spend an intense amount of time together like you do when you are on a holiday.
Consider the following questions: o What is your ideal holiday? o Active - sightseeing, musems, city trips? o Relaxed - on the beach with a book and ipod? o Who do you prefer to spend time with? o Do you prefer to be just the two of you? o Do you prefer to be with lots of people? o What about how you organise yourself for a holiday and during a holiday? o Organise weeks in advance / needing everything planned out? o Pack the day you fly out / spontaneous, in the moment o How do you spend your money? o Tight on the purse strings? o Money flows freely? o What are your expectations about accommodation standards o Staying in a top class hotel or roughing it? o Dressing up or casual dress? o Staying within the hotel confines or going out and exploring? Your Values - Your Compass Who you are and the choices you make are a reflection of your values.
Much of this happens unconsciously.
When you live your life aligned with your values, you experience peace, contentment and happiness.
Sometimes, however, you unconsciously prioritise things that aren't aligned with your values.
When you do this, you experience internal stress.
You know those 'silly little things' that really get to you? You can be pretty sure that a core value underlies that pet peeve.
When you get incensed, you can be pretty sure that a core value has been stepped on.
Do you find you spend most of your life rushing about, always too busy, filling every minute of your time and in the end still not feeling you are doing what's really important to you? It's so easy to let 'life' take over.
If you are clear about what your values are, you have a powerful guide, a compass, to guide you through any choices, decisions and options you face.
Knowing your values not only helps you with everyday life, but it also helps you with knowing whether a relationship really is right for you.
Do you know what your values are? Without a compass to guide you, it's so easy to get lost in the maze of life and relationships.