We now understand that a major part of remaining calm when our child misbehaves lies in our hands. It's not always easy, especially when we are tired or feeling a bit frazzled, but it is a noble goal to set for ourselves to be calm and not yell as much as possible.

Here are some things I've personally found helpful as well what I teach my coaching clients to do.

1. Make the commitment not to lose it. Remind yourself that you're going to try to stay in control from now on. Notice what sets you off too-is it when your child ignores you? Or does backtalk drive you crazy? It's not always easy; it's difficult for anyone to control their temper 100 percent of the time, but, making that promise to yourself is the beginning of calm-for your whole family.

2. Expect that your child is going to push your buttons sometimes. It is completely normal for our children to test us - they are just trying to figure out their limits and boundaries as well as how this world works. If they didn't test us sometimes, they wouldn't in effect be doing their job! Parents who have difficulty with this notion are ones who expect their children to be perfect. Understand that your children will test you sometimes. This understanding will help you remember that his/her misbehaiour is not a personal attack on you, it's normal.

3. Prepare ahead of time. Notice when the anxiety in your household is at it's highest and try to prepare for it. You might notice that every day at five o'clock, your family's nerves are on edge. Everyone is home from work or school, they're hungry, and they're decompressing. For many families, everybody's anxiety is up and patience is low. Ask yourself, "How am I going to handle this when "Bobby" starts whining about his homework? What am I going to say when "Susie" asks to watch TV when she knows I'm going to say no?" Prepare yourself. Say, "This time, I'm not getting into an argument with her. Nobody can make me do that. I'm not giving her permission to hit my buttons." Let yourself be guided by the way you want to see yourself as a parent versus your feeling of the moment.

Helpful tools here are:

1) My article, "5 Steps to a Calmer Evening"

2) My audio, "Creating a Homework Routine That Works"

4. Take a breath. Take a deep breath when you feel yourself escalating-and take a moment to think things through. There is a big difference between responding and reacting. When you respond, you're actually being conscious about what you want to say. When you react, you're on autopilot. As much as possible, you want to respond thoughtfully to what your child is saying or doing.

Helpful tool here: My 4 Tricks of the Trade Discipline Technique. Find the information and training in my book, Juggling Family Life: A Step-By-Step Guide to Stress-Free Parenting

7. Keep some slogans in your head. Say something to yourself every time you feel your emotions rising. It can be anything from "Calm" or "Breathe" Whatever words will help you, take that moment. Working on this consistently will increase your ability to go there more automatically.

8. Think about what you want your relationship to look like. What kind of relationship do you want to have with your child in the future? If the way things are now is not how you want your relationship to look like in 20 years, start thinking about what you do want. Ask yourself, "Is how I'm responding to my child now going to help? Will it help me reach my goal?"

It's important to remember that children will test us and at times we'll get angry. These two things are guaranteed, but if we, as loving, responsible parents remind ourselves that we can respond to situations rather than react to them, using calming tricks and proven discipline techniques, we can truly experience calm and joy in our household more often than not.