If you are reading this article then you are hoping that you're going to find something to help you in your daily struggle.
Perhaps you're the caregiver because you're a spouse, an only child, the only child who will step up to the plate, or you are a paid caregiver.
For many of you, your selfless giving is criticized by the very people who won't help you themselves, but feel duty bound to tell you what you're doing wrong, and leave you and the one you care for upset and agitated.
For you who are fortunate enough to have support from family and friends, it is still a hard, confusing, frustrating and weary job.
Many people don't understand how long it has been since you've had a full nights sleep, or a moment you could let down your guard, or even a moment for yourself.
They don't understand all the "what if's.
" What if she gets lost, what if he falls down, what if she stops eating, what if he forgets who I am, what if she locks me outside and she hurts herself...
the list could go on and on.
But one of the worst things people don't understand is the guilt; guilt from feeling resentful, from thinking she does things on purpose, guilt because of feeling you can't communicate effectively, and I have had caregivers confess that they actually just wished their loved one would die, and are barely able to live with the guilt.
Well, I understand.
And you know what? Everything you think and feel is perfectly normal.
These feelings come from loss of control; your control and your loved one's control.
Emotions are what they are; they are neither right nor wrong.
It's simply how you're feeling at the time.
Don't be ashamed for what you think or feel; just acknowledge them and know that they will pass.
Acknowledge, too, that each and every thought and feeling is a method of getting through whatever circumstance you are facing, because the sad truth is that the person you're caring for, is for all intents and purposes, not the person you once knew.
Yes, they look like mom or dad, but they are supposed to be the strong ones, the caregivers, and there's a feeling of loss and grief, anger and fright.
Once the nurtured, now you're the nurturer, and it just doesn't feel right, and it's depleting.
You validate their feelings; validate your feelings.
What they're going through is tragic, unfair and frightening for them.
But caregivers, it is those things for you, too.
Now, here are the facts: You caregivers are heroes.
Yes, you read this right - you, no matter why you are caregivers, and no matter how you feel about it, are heroes.
Care giving for the elderly is often difficult, but caring for the elderly with AD is really indescribable.
As an activity assistant and an activity director, I have seen and experienced just about everything.
The difference is that I worked four days a week, ten hours a day, and though I was physically and mentally exhausted, I got to go home to my peaceful house at the end of the day.
I can only imagine what all you must go through, and I want to say thank you.
Thank you for doing what many others don't have what it takes to do.
Thank you from all the moms, dads, spouses, grandparents, siblings, aunts and uncles with AD, who would love to say thank you if they only could remember how.