Up until lately, I knew absolutely nothing about how a parenting plan works. Unless conflicts occur with their former spouses, most of my divorced friends don't mention their co-parenting custody arrangements or child support issues.

My friend L got divorced 14 years ago, when her daughter was 4 years old suggested, looking at divorcing couples' parenting plans for what they can teach married parents about remaining in agreement about raising their children.

Would you define parenting plan? This allows divorced couples or couples that are divorcing to coordinate schedules and find other ways to stay aligned as both being parents. The most effective parenting plans are usually written and the couples discuss and update it regularly.

Is there value in the parenting plans of those who choose not to divorce? This grants us a moment to get together with spouses and decide many things together about things that shouldn't be taken lightly or not decided at all. Sometimes making independent decisions work out, but it can also cause confusion or start something negative.

Many parents still have conflicts about the sharing of parental duties in raising their children and taking care of the household chores. An important ingredient to manage our spousal relationships and be successful in co-parenting stems from keeping both husband and wife relationships aligned.

Resentment can brew if one parent is always the care-giver, housekeeper, and stay-at-home-parent - even if they like it.

Now we have laid down some basic rules to follow, so what should we talk about regarding parenting? There is no limit but here are a couple thoughts to get you started- bear in mind that they may vary based on the age of the child.

Before you make a decision that impacts your family, what are the most important things do you want to discuss with each other? Jot them on a piece of paper.

What types of family decisions are acceptable for each of you to make independently? Jot them on a piece of paper.

What are your philosophies as to when to schedule visits with any family member and how to schedule holiday visitation? What can you both agree on if you find yourselves having differences about this issue?

Create a list of household chores and childhood duties that cause strife, and do not argue with your spouse about the items on his or her list. You need to work with each other and create 2 or 3 ways to fix the items on the list, regardless of whether you agree with the listed items. "No, offering a suggestion that your spouse quit complaining or that they alter their opinion is not a fix!" Select one fix that is on your list as well as your partner's, then work on those fixes as a couple. If you find that something is working for you, keep a note of it and keep using it otherwise, try different ideas until something starts working and is acceptable for both of you.

What philosophies do you have about the extra-curricular activities children partake in? If you cannot agree you need to develop an action plan that includes a joint philosophy you can develop together.

Make a schedule for when to pick up the kids or drop them off, even if one person is in charge of this planning.

So what's the next step for you to take once you told others about your plan? Keep it written down and look back at it each month or so just to keep it in check that it is still a good plan for all. To review the things that have come up for you as parents in the preceding week, you should consider a regular, weekly, parenting meeting, even if it only lasts 15 minutes.