I have always been annoyed with the expression, "That's a great idea, but it will never work in real life.
" The most common example of this that I hear is, of course, communism.
A common way to placate young (and annoying) politicos is to tell them that their theories on social organization are good ideas but could never really work.
For an idea to be considered "good," shouldn't one of the requirements be that it works? Otherwise, communism is no different from iron-on tattoos, airplanes fueled by chocolate frosting or religion without guilt.
They aren't good ideas at all, because they don't work in real life.
Which brings me to my personal philosophy: don't spend your life worrying about things you can't control.
Despite the fact that I stole this expression off of a hallmark reject, I think it's a pretty good mantra, especially if you're driving from Saranac Lake to Logan, Utah, about 3000 miles, over the course of five days.
Trying to count how many things were out of my control the morning of July 23, as I got ready to depart was enough to give me a stroke.
If my philosophy is not to worry, you may ask, then why was I so worried? The answer is simple: when I say personal "philosophy," I mean it the same way the Republican Party does.
It's something that sounds great, which you never follow.
In other words, it's a great idea that doesn't work in real life.
That's I planned the trip with a built-in test run, a 250-mile first day from Saranac Lake to Ithaca My father lives in Ithaca, and I figured it would be a good way to check for some of the traditional bad omens of a long drive.
For example, -Green fluid oozes from your exhaust pipe, -Your radio plays "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" on all stations, -Ravens flock to you at all rest areas, -Your truck veers dramatically to the right when you let go of the steering wheel, -Drive-through attendants ask you if you have any last requests or -Billboards read, "Last chance to escape with your life ...
this means you, Matt.
" Lucky for me, I only experience two or three of the above items.
The worst omen was not supernatural at all.
It was simply the fact that thanks to our "look out for No.
1" government, gasoline was up to about $3,000 per gallon.
Which is fine because most American make about $6 per hour.
With Day One out of the way, I began what I considered the true first leg of the trip: Ithaca to Port Clinton, OH, where I camped on Lake Eerie.
Not wanting to waste my opportunities to see America, I had originally planned to stop at a wealth of quirky sights, whether it is the world's largest potato, lollypop or toilet seat.
These and many other attractions can be found easily on the Internet, especially on a Web site called http://www.
roadsideamerica.
com.
The problem with these attractions is that they are usually well off the beaten path and tend to take time and money to see.
They also greatly improve your chances of meeting people with loaded guns.
One sight I wasn't about to pass up, however, was Cleveland's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
I'd heard about it so much that it was necessary digression.
I'm glad I went, but to be honest, it was somewhat of let-down.
A person can only look at so many pairs of David Bowie's leather pants.
On the way from Cleveland to my eventual campsite on the lake, I spotted something that made me once again question the wisdom of my road trip.
Cruising along Interstate 80 was a Buick sedan with a truck bed in tow that had been converted into a trailer.
Here I was suffering a Chevy S-10 for the sake of its cargo room while somebody else had all my advantages with the added bonus air conditioning and cruise control.
After that, I got to thinking about how pointless it would have been to seek out all those roadside America attractions.
The biggest sucker in America was none other than yours truly.