Question: How Do Gay Teens Avoid Pedophiles or Predators Online?

If you are like a lot of GLBT teens, a lot of the other gay people know are teens you chat with online. But how can you be sure that the person you are talking to is actually another teen and not an adult predator or pedophile?

Answer:

A gay teen who uses this site's, GLBT teens forum, recently sent me this email:

"How do I know if the person I'm talking is actually my age? I don't want to spend hours talking to a pedophile, so how I avoid them?"

This is a really good question. Just so you know, I monitor the activity on the forum and read through posts looking for red flags. I also have certain words screened, so that I must approve posts that contain them. If we discover than an adult is impersonating a teen to gain access to kids through our forums, that person will be banned immediately.

That being said, I cannot control private messages that forum posters take off-line so you also need to be careful and know what to look for.

The sad fact is that while teens are definitely more at risk of being bullied by a peer online, than they are of falling into the trap of a predator, that doesn't mean this isn't a risk.

In fact, according to the a study called, Online “Predators” and Their Victims: Myths, Realities, and Implications for Prevention and Treatment published in the journal, American Psychologist American Psychologist:

"Boys who are gay or are questioning their sexuality may be more susceptible to Internet-initiated sex crimes than other populations. Researchers found boys were the victims in nearly one-quarter of criminal cases, and most cases included facts that suggested victims were gay or questioning their sexuality."

There are a few reasons that this happens. These include:

• A false sense of safety. A lot of teens who would be more cautious on sites explicitly geared towards dating, don't exercise the same caution on sites like this one or on their Facebook pages.
• Homophobia. There have been situations where teens have been targeted for being gay.
• Feeling lonely and / or isolated. Teens who are lonely, or who don't have a supportive community may be more open to the suggestions of someone online who appears accepting or shows romantic interest.

So how do you stay away from adult creeps, especially on a site like this where you are going to be open about your age and sexual orientation? There are a few things to keep in mind.

1. Remember, you don't owe anyone anything. If you are chatting with someone you met online and that person make you feel uncomfortable, stop communicating with him or her.
2. Trust your instincts and remember that online, there are no guarantees that people are who they claim to be. If you suspect someone is not who she or he claims to be, there is a good chance you are right.
3. Tell a grown-up. Either tell the site's moderator (in this case you can tell me), or your parents, a teacher or any other adult that you trust.
4. If you are suspicious, suggest a video chat. In this day and age, someone who is able to get online, can generally be expected to figure out how to do this without too much effort.
5. This is obvious, but don't meet someone you think might be an adult. If you plan to meet someone you think is a teen, make sure you do so in a public location.

Of course, it is also really important to realize that most adult predators are NOT pretending to be teens. The majority are upfront about the fact that they are adults. They just try to mask their intentions by gaining the trust of the teens they are talking to. Indeed the American Psychologist article also found that,

"In opposition to popular opinion, adult predators are not posing as teens to attract very young children and they don’t generally abduct or rape children. Instead the study showed that most predators didn’t hide their adult status, only their motivations, and that teens in particular are their intended victims. In these scenarios they attempted to gain the trust of a vulnerable teen and then seduced them into sexually motivated relationships or meetings. A considerable amount of time may be spent courting these teens who are often from difficult family backgrounds or vulnerable circumstances."

The idea that a teen you are talking to will turn out to be an adult is really scary, but in many ways what is just as scary is the idea that that nice adult who offers lots of help for your problems and seems to understand everything about you in a way that no other grow-up does, actually has some disturbing ulterior motives.