Being a parent, you are the number one person when it comes to interpreting your child.
Their needs, their habits, their character...
everything that makes your child unique is being assessed by you, all the time.
Maybe it's time you become aware of this.
For, undeniably, what you make of your child is reflected to him.
The aspects of his character to which he himself has no access, of which he has no direct knowledge, he can only get them from you.
As a mother, you might well be the most important, the most determining "review" your child gets in his entire lifetime.
It is important to know that how you perceive your child is reflected back to him.
If you are aware of this simple fact, you can give some consideration to what you are reflecting about your child.
Ask yourself these questions: Do I emphasize negative aspects? Even though negative aspects of your child's character shouldn't be ignored (he must acknowledge those to be able to change them), they should not be exaggerated.
Positive aspects deserve just as much attention.
Only highlighting the negative will can make your child think he is a failure any way and there is no use in trying.
Or that you do not love him for who he is.
Is what I reflect based on reality? Your child is constantly changing, is the way you see him still up to date? Do you base your perception of your child upon what you see, or upon what others tell you, upon what you think? Example: A teacher tells you your child is very distracted in school.
From then on, you see every laps of attention as your child being distracted.
You start telling him to pay attention when you talk.
To stop dreaming...
Your child's behavior hasn't changed since before you met the teacher, just your attitude towards the behavior has changed.
Is what I reflect based on assumption or expectation? Short term and long term expectations can seriously distort the image you mirror to your child.
Ask yourself: are you seeing your child for who he really is, or are you seeing the child you might have wanted.
Example: You would like your child to become a lawyer, so you tell him he wants to be a lawyer when he grows up (while he really wants to be a ballet danser).
After having seen your child handle an argument between friends, you tell your child he is a good moderator and that will be a good skill when he becomes a lawyer.
You should reassess your child every day, and try to avoid acting on mere assumptions.
It is harder then it seems to constantly reassess your child.
Think about how often in life you base your actions upon an assumption.
Give them the benefit of the doubt.
Example: You yell extra hard every morning because your children have difficulties getting out of bed.
Maybe today they were already out of bed.
Maybe your yelling isn't very motivational for them to get up.
Maybe they aren't lazy marmots after all.
Are you exaggerating anything? Exaggeration is very dangerous, no matter if it's in the negative or in the positive.
Example: Your child is really good at drawing.
You constantly tell him to draw, tell others how good he is at it, tell him what a great artist he is...
He might feel pressured by your enthusiasm.
He might loose his interest in drawing.
Are you passing judgment? You should try to view every characteristic in a neutral light.
What you see as something negative might not turn out wrong.
How can I turn what I perceive as negative into something positive? Don't say: he's dominant, say: he's a great leader.
Or not: she's slow, but: she takes her time.
The bottom line here is to know your child well, but don't assume you know him.