A teen writes to the forum:

"I don't like being a man. I want more then anything to transition. I've told some of my friends and have had them change pronouns and call me Anne. The thing is I could never tell my family. And my family has very strict gender rules. Very strict. Some examples: a male has to wear a large wrist watch at all times, a male cannot wear anything but a baseball cap, a male cannot care about appearance or use anything to help hygiene / looks, including using things like conditioner. 

Around my friends I'll do some simple things that I have been raised to think are girly. But it just isn't enough to not get me down and feel like I'm lying to people. One of my friends says I could stay at their house one weekend and then we could go out and buy dresses and wear them the whole weekend. I would love that more then I could ever explain, but my parents never allow me to spend more than an hour or two at a friend's. So I just don't know what to do.

I want to transition or just find a way to dress up sometimes, but how? I don't know what to do at this point. I just hate feeling like this."

 

Your parent situation sounds so complicated. Your parents sounds incredibly strict and rigid on multiple levels. The first thing you need to do it to keep in mind is that no matter how much you are hurting, your safety comes first. Sometimes it can be tempting to come out in the middle of a parent's rant. But if you think that could be dangerous you might want to hold off.

Sometimes talking to a friend, getting online and posting like you just did, or contacting an organization that supports GLBT teens is a good option.

Should I Come Out?

Though coming out as trans can be an amazing experience, it is important to think about your reasons for coming out before taking the plunge.

Coming out at any age can be challenging, but because teens tend to live with their families, there are a few unique issues young people need to think about. Ask yourself:

• Will coming out jeopardize my situation at home?
• Is it safe, physically and emotionally, for me to come out to my parents?
• Do I have resources available (both emotional and financial) if coming out changes my situation at home?

 

Educating Your Parents

When a parent makes transphobic remarks it can feel like a knife through your heart. But while many parents are bigoted, a lot simply aren't educated about what it really means to be transgender. Sometimes even if a parent makes a nasty remark, he or she would be open to learning more about being GLBT.

An organization like the Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays is a great place to send family members with questions and concerns. They have a lot of experience dealing with these types of issues.

 

Finding Outside Support

Being transgender can present challenges at any age. But being a teen and living with hostile or transphobic parents is just about one of the most challenging things around and can make you feel really alone. So if you are in that situation, please try to find a supportive adult who you can talk to! Some teens turn to a teacher, relative, therapist, friend's parent, or doctor.