"I Will Not Love You To Death"

Sobriety is a life changing experience no matter where you are. They tell you to get all the support you can to help cope with the ups and downs sobriety brings. So when I found myself states away from my family who has always supported me through out my entire life I questioned if I would make it and if my relationship with them would be affected. The relationship was indeed affected but in a way that I never could of imagined.

Before I made the decision to get sober I was with my family daily, they have always been supportive of me even through the tornado of events I put them through in my active drinking. I knew they were always there for me but I was never able or capable to be there for them. I caused more harm than good in so many ways. My alcoholism hindered my ability to simply be a daughter or to be a sister. Living in the same household as my father I was not there for there him when his brother, my god father, passed. I was not there when he battled cancer. I was also not there for my mother through the death of my grandma, and so many other life events that I couldn't begin to name. The scary thing for me was I truly believed I was there for those events because I was physically sitting next to them, but I was not present. My selfish ways only allowed me to see how this affect me and sit my own self pity.

Alcoholism blinded me from the pain I was causing to others. Pain through my actions and constant mess ups and it seems an even greater pain by my lack of action and support in their lives. When I hit enough pain in my own life I agreed to make a change and get some help, although it wasn't easy. My parents sat me down and mother said the words that changed my perspective for ever. "I will not love you to death." This was the first time I had realized how my life affects the lives of the people that care about me. I moved states for treatment and now reside thousands of miles away from my family.

The change was hard, I wanted my family to be there and support me like they always have. I was going through so much and it seemed like a phone call was never sufficient. I missed major event in their lives like my sister giving birth to my two nephews, birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, deaths in the family, and struggles they all go through. I was not there for any of those major life events, but this time something was different, I was present. Today through staying sober and maintaining emotional sobriety I am able to be the daughter and sister that my family deserves, I can have actual conversations with them and give them back the support they have shown me my whole life. Although it is hard to be so far away from them I can honestly say that today that I am more apart of their lives than I ever was living under the same roof. It was promised to me that if I continue to do what I am supposed to do and stay sober that I will be able to mend my broken relationships. This promise has come true in more ways than I could have imagined, being able to be there and support my family as they have for me as given me the utmost gratitude in life. We have never been closer than we are now living thousand of miles away from each other. Sobriety has given me my family back, no distance can ever change that.

[http://sobrietyforwomen.com/word/getting-sober-away-from-family/]