Ten Top Ways to Survive a Break Up
1.
Take a break from your "X".
Even if you hope to be friends one day, don't try for that until you've had a few months with no contact.
Don't see them, don't have their stuff around, ask you friends not to mention them for a while.
This is so important.
You can't heal if you're constantly picking at the wound--which is what's happening when you keep being reminded of your lost love.
You can tell people you'll open the portals again in a few months, but for the moment, you need space to heal.
2.
Don't look for what you did wrong.
Some people torment themselves with what they did 'wrong' after a break-up.
But here's the good news" mistakes aren't usually the reason one person breaks up with another.
To realize this, all you need to do is look at the people who are still together.
They make mistakes too and these people move along without breaking up.
So, don't chastise yourself for what you did that was less than right.
Look instead for all the great ways you were in the relationship and tell yourself that one day, you will be with someone who will accept you for ALL you have to offer-both assets and liabilities.
3.
Adopt the word 'fit'.
This is such a great word because it denotes the magic of pairing and leaves out the issue of fault.
Fitting involves lifestyle, emotional proclivities, patterns, culture and all kinds of things.
Think of a break-up as simply not being the right 'fit'.
Realize that things that don't fit together snugly don't tend to be very strong and may well break when any tension exerts itself.
4.
Watch how you talk about the break-up.
If you tell people, "Jack dumped me", you are putting a very powerful victim message into the world.
Such a statement is denigrating to self because you and perhaps others may wonder why you were dumped if you had value.
Far better to say something more charge-neutral like, "We weren't a good fit.
" Such a phrase is respectful to both parties.
5.
Choose to know that you participated in the break-up even if it doesn't feel like it.
Even if you were the person that got the "Dear John/Jane" letter, two people are usually responsible for creating a break-up, it's just that 1 person steps forward to do the verbal deed.
Having said that, don't try to figure this out until a few months have passed.
It usually becomes clearer in time.
6.
Break-ups are usually painful.
Think of yourself as having the 'emotional flu' and treat yourself accordingly.
Give yourself all kinds of slack just as if you would if you were physically sick.
Let yourself watch a movie in the middle of the afternoon bundled up in a blanket, get lots of sleep, and give yourself lots of creature comforts.
If pain is big, add in big comfort.
It will help.
7.
Crying is an important part of the healing process.
For some, however, it can be difficult or impossible to let go into a full-fledged sob-fest.
When this is the case, I recommend watching a really sad movie like Marley and Me.
Such movies allow you to have a thorough and deep cry without picking at the scab that may be starting to cover up your wound.
8.
Don't date.
Sometimes people try and throw themselves into dating, partly to mitigate the pain and sometimes as an imagined way to get even.
Don't.
It's better to wait until you've healed a bit.
First of all, it's hardly fair to the person you're dating to be with them when you aren't emotionally available, but secondly, it can often backfire, making you miss your 'X' even more! 9.
Don't try and NOT hurt.
If your best friend was hurting, or your son or daughter, you wouldn't tell them to button it up.
Instead, imagine what you would do for them.
You'd be kind, maybe take them a gift, or flowers, or sit with them and listen as they cried or lamented.
Do the same for yourself.
It's time to be your own best friend.
10.
It's also time to be your own lover.
The more loving you are of yourself just now, the less cheated you'll feel about having to give up the love you had in the relationship.
Even if the relationship had all kinds of troubles, it still had some love in it and that will be missed.
So, be extra loving to yourself right now.
This is the time to go all out for yourself.
Studies have shown that the more you heal from this relationship, the more able you will be able to go forward into creating a good on in the future.
So, lavish yourself with love.
If you can't have it from your "X", at least have it from yourself.
Take a break from your "X".
Even if you hope to be friends one day, don't try for that until you've had a few months with no contact.
Don't see them, don't have their stuff around, ask you friends not to mention them for a while.
This is so important.
You can't heal if you're constantly picking at the wound--which is what's happening when you keep being reminded of your lost love.
You can tell people you'll open the portals again in a few months, but for the moment, you need space to heal.
2.
Don't look for what you did wrong.
Some people torment themselves with what they did 'wrong' after a break-up.
But here's the good news" mistakes aren't usually the reason one person breaks up with another.
To realize this, all you need to do is look at the people who are still together.
They make mistakes too and these people move along without breaking up.
So, don't chastise yourself for what you did that was less than right.
Look instead for all the great ways you were in the relationship and tell yourself that one day, you will be with someone who will accept you for ALL you have to offer-both assets and liabilities.
3.
Adopt the word 'fit'.
This is such a great word because it denotes the magic of pairing and leaves out the issue of fault.
Fitting involves lifestyle, emotional proclivities, patterns, culture and all kinds of things.
Think of a break-up as simply not being the right 'fit'.
Realize that things that don't fit together snugly don't tend to be very strong and may well break when any tension exerts itself.
4.
Watch how you talk about the break-up.
If you tell people, "Jack dumped me", you are putting a very powerful victim message into the world.
Such a statement is denigrating to self because you and perhaps others may wonder why you were dumped if you had value.
Far better to say something more charge-neutral like, "We weren't a good fit.
" Such a phrase is respectful to both parties.
5.
Choose to know that you participated in the break-up even if it doesn't feel like it.
Even if you were the person that got the "Dear John/Jane" letter, two people are usually responsible for creating a break-up, it's just that 1 person steps forward to do the verbal deed.
Having said that, don't try to figure this out until a few months have passed.
It usually becomes clearer in time.
6.
Break-ups are usually painful.
Think of yourself as having the 'emotional flu' and treat yourself accordingly.
Give yourself all kinds of slack just as if you would if you were physically sick.
Let yourself watch a movie in the middle of the afternoon bundled up in a blanket, get lots of sleep, and give yourself lots of creature comforts.
If pain is big, add in big comfort.
It will help.
7.
Crying is an important part of the healing process.
For some, however, it can be difficult or impossible to let go into a full-fledged sob-fest.
When this is the case, I recommend watching a really sad movie like Marley and Me.
Such movies allow you to have a thorough and deep cry without picking at the scab that may be starting to cover up your wound.
8.
Don't date.
Sometimes people try and throw themselves into dating, partly to mitigate the pain and sometimes as an imagined way to get even.
Don't.
It's better to wait until you've healed a bit.
First of all, it's hardly fair to the person you're dating to be with them when you aren't emotionally available, but secondly, it can often backfire, making you miss your 'X' even more! 9.
Don't try and NOT hurt.
If your best friend was hurting, or your son or daughter, you wouldn't tell them to button it up.
Instead, imagine what you would do for them.
You'd be kind, maybe take them a gift, or flowers, or sit with them and listen as they cried or lamented.
Do the same for yourself.
It's time to be your own best friend.
10.
It's also time to be your own lover.
The more loving you are of yourself just now, the less cheated you'll feel about having to give up the love you had in the relationship.
Even if the relationship had all kinds of troubles, it still had some love in it and that will be missed.
So, be extra loving to yourself right now.
This is the time to go all out for yourself.
Studies have shown that the more you heal from this relationship, the more able you will be able to go forward into creating a good on in the future.
So, lavish yourself with love.
If you can't have it from your "X", at least have it from yourself.
Source...