Relationships don't often end without reason.
They call it a "break up" because something is broken.
In fact, most unhealthy relationships begin in a neurotic or unhealthy state and fail when that unhealthy state can't be maintained by both partners.
If you are going to move on, or try to repair a failed relationship, it's important to understand what went wrong in the first place.
The parent-child relationship is one of the most classic types of unhealthy union.
In this relationship type one partner assumes the role of the protective, all-knowing parent figure while the other partner takes the role of the needy child.
The partner in the child role feels the need to be protected, coddled, and taken care of; while the one in the parent role often feels superior to the other.
This type of relationship is emotionally draining to maintain from both perspectives.
The child partner feels inadequate, and believes that they need to be treated like a child as a trade-off for feelings of security.
The parent partner also pays emotionally: by constantly feeling responsible for another person, with little time or energy for their own needs.
As well, the parent partner is not able to receive the reassurance and comforting that all adults require from an intimate relationship.
What does it mean if you believe you have just ended this type of relationship? Actually, ending a neurotic relationship such as the parent-child relationship can be healthy for both parties.
This type of relationship can only work if both partners never break out of their roles, and as we can see above it is not emotionally healthy for either partner to do that.
The ending of a parent-child relationship is not failure; no person can be expected to always remain the same.
The ending of this type of relationship usually signifies a personal growth on the part of one partner.
Let me give you a real-world example: Laura and Jack had been married for years and had raised three kids together.
They had always had a very traditional family; Jack made the money while Laura stayed home with the kids and did the housework.
When the kids left home, Laura found herself with free time, and decided to start taking classes at a local community college.
Taking the courses gave Laura a new-found sense of independence, and she started to spend more and more time outside of the home.
Jack had always been the provider, and suddenly the neurotic parent-child relationship had changed.
He reacted to the change by trying harder to be the parent and retain control in the relationship; he demanded that Laura stop going to classes and be at home every evening to make him dinner.
Laura was not willing to sacrifice her new independence, so she packed her things and left.
What if you want to repair the relationship with your partner, but you had a parent-child relationship? A healthy relationship can grow from what was a parent-child relationship as long as both partners are willing to change together.
Communication is essential; especially the ability to communicate the feelings of frustration or annoyance if or when the parent-child roles come back into play.