Clues To Determine Whether You Are In A Toxic Relationship
Making relationships is hard enough without feeling that your partner may not be the one and is more detrimental to your well being than you initially thought. If you are struggling because you love him or her but your gut is telling you that they are toxic to you, here are some clues to determine whether you are in a toxic relationship.
1. Actions Speak Louder Than Words
You are in love with your partner and you think he/she is too however his/her actions toward you do not imply that he/she cares about or appreciates you or your feelings.
2. Verbal Put Down
Putting you down privately or publicly is another clue to show that you are in a toxic relationship. This signifies a lack of respect for you or for himself or herself. This may even end up becoming a severe form of verbal and physical abuse. Words hurt. The one you love and who says he/she loves you should not be trying to hurt you.
3. Controlling
If he or she is insecure, he or she will try to control you. He/she has to know each minute where you are, who you are with and what you are doing every second of the day. This is stifling and is not conducive to a healthy relationship. They may even start dictating what you are to wear.
4. Dependence
Your partner will try to make you dependent on them as a way to control your every move. They want you to be financially dependent on them and may encourage you to leave your job or not look for work.They may also slowly try to cut you off from all your friends and family.
5. Change You
You are in a toxic relationship if your partner tells you that things would be better and different if only you changed things about yourself to make them happy. As you soon found out, nothing can make them happy and they always have something to complain about.
Being around toxic people or spiritual vampires is exhausting. They sap out every bit of life in you but they are never happy. Why have you been in a toxic relationship for so long or why do you seem to attract toxic people or spiritual vampires? Why did you return to the toxic person or spiritual vampire when you tried to get away?
Being in a toxic relationship is like being in a vicious cycle. There is a period of calm or the honeymoon phase, followed by a storm, reconciliation and then another cycle starts of the same thing over and over until you don't know which way is up.
At the beginning of the relationship you had no idea the level of toxicity that your partner was capable of. You were sucked in and now feel powerless to get out of this toxic relationship. You may have even gotten out only to return to the toxic partner after a few days.
One reason that you remain in the toxic relationship or seem to attract toxic individuals or returned to the toxic environment is that you may have grown up in this kind of environment yourself. This is what you are used to. We only do what we know. It will take a great deal of strength to break the cycle for good.
Another reason is that we do not believe we deserve anything good and that this toxic relationship is what we deserve. Others feel that they can change the other person and are always looking for a fixer-upper without realizing that the only one who can change another person is themselves.
The first step to getting out of a toxic relationship is to realize that you are not powerless. That you now have a choice. One choice that you made was to remain in the toxic relationship. You can now make another choice and get out of the toxic relationship and away from the spiritual vampire. You deserve to be happy. Take the step. It is not your fault. Believe that and act like it.
Do not be afraid to ask for help. We all need help sometimes and it is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength to realize that you may not have all the answers. It is possible to have a healthy relationship where you are valued just as you are.
It is possible to break the cycle of toxic relationships and go on to healthy relationships but you have to take the first step.
It is also important to note that the toxic relationship can be saved but only if both people are ready to make a change. Counseling can help to deal with the insecurities and the feelings that cause both to think that toxic relationships are the way to go. If both people in the relationship are willing to make the effort to make a change, this toxic relationship can be changed into a healthy one. If not, it is time to walk away.
1. Actions Speak Louder Than Words
You are in love with your partner and you think he/she is too however his/her actions toward you do not imply that he/she cares about or appreciates you or your feelings.
2. Verbal Put Down
Putting you down privately or publicly is another clue to show that you are in a toxic relationship. This signifies a lack of respect for you or for himself or herself. This may even end up becoming a severe form of verbal and physical abuse. Words hurt. The one you love and who says he/she loves you should not be trying to hurt you.
3. Controlling
If he or she is insecure, he or she will try to control you. He/she has to know each minute where you are, who you are with and what you are doing every second of the day. This is stifling and is not conducive to a healthy relationship. They may even start dictating what you are to wear.
4. Dependence
Your partner will try to make you dependent on them as a way to control your every move. They want you to be financially dependent on them and may encourage you to leave your job or not look for work.They may also slowly try to cut you off from all your friends and family.
5. Change You
You are in a toxic relationship if your partner tells you that things would be better and different if only you changed things about yourself to make them happy. As you soon found out, nothing can make them happy and they always have something to complain about.
Being around toxic people or spiritual vampires is exhausting. They sap out every bit of life in you but they are never happy. Why have you been in a toxic relationship for so long or why do you seem to attract toxic people or spiritual vampires? Why did you return to the toxic person or spiritual vampire when you tried to get away?
Being in a toxic relationship is like being in a vicious cycle. There is a period of calm or the honeymoon phase, followed by a storm, reconciliation and then another cycle starts of the same thing over and over until you don't know which way is up.
At the beginning of the relationship you had no idea the level of toxicity that your partner was capable of. You were sucked in and now feel powerless to get out of this toxic relationship. You may have even gotten out only to return to the toxic partner after a few days.
One reason that you remain in the toxic relationship or seem to attract toxic individuals or returned to the toxic environment is that you may have grown up in this kind of environment yourself. This is what you are used to. We only do what we know. It will take a great deal of strength to break the cycle for good.
Another reason is that we do not believe we deserve anything good and that this toxic relationship is what we deserve. Others feel that they can change the other person and are always looking for a fixer-upper without realizing that the only one who can change another person is themselves.
The first step to getting out of a toxic relationship is to realize that you are not powerless. That you now have a choice. One choice that you made was to remain in the toxic relationship. You can now make another choice and get out of the toxic relationship and away from the spiritual vampire. You deserve to be happy. Take the step. It is not your fault. Believe that and act like it.
Do not be afraid to ask for help. We all need help sometimes and it is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength to realize that you may not have all the answers. It is possible to have a healthy relationship where you are valued just as you are.
It is possible to break the cycle of toxic relationships and go on to healthy relationships but you have to take the first step.
It is also important to note that the toxic relationship can be saved but only if both people are ready to make a change. Counseling can help to deal with the insecurities and the feelings that cause both to think that toxic relationships are the way to go. If both people in the relationship are willing to make the effort to make a change, this toxic relationship can be changed into a healthy one. If not, it is time to walk away.
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