Ten Simple Steps to a More Affectionate Marriage
"They do not love who do not show their love".
- William Shakespeare Would you like to have a more satisfying, more gracious, more affectionate marriage? Of course, who wouldn't? Here are ten simple steps to allowing that into your relationship with your spouse.
Married couples are reluctant to share their feelings with each other, and it's not just men holding back.
Women, too, have a high threshold of trust, and in either case, couples are skeptical about opening up, believing that they don't need it, or that their comfort level has been attained, and they don't want to be bothered.
But here are ten steps for increasing the level of satisfaction in your marriage.
Pick and choose as you wish.
The first thing you'll notice is that some of the steps are so simple as to be almost silly.
Anything memorable is what people take away.
1) Be nice to each other.
Simple enough? With all the disruption, uncertainty and busyness today it's far too easy to bring outside stuff into the home.
We find ourselves easily annoyed, irritable, wanting nothing more than to be left alone.
One thing to remember is that everything is a choice.
Next time you come in the house, make a conscious effort to imagine your spouse the day you married them.
Shut your eyes, go back five, ten, twenty years before, and picture them with you as you recited your vows together.
Could you be angry or upset with them that day? No? See, it is a choice.
Okay, open your eyes, smile, greet your mate as if you'd just said "I Do.
" 2) Simplicity.
See above.
The world is crazy busy.
It's too easy to get wrapped up in all the electronic, urban, job and urgent detail cacophony.
The computer.
Television.
Radio, Wii, DVD, NetFlix, YouTube, Twitter, MySpace, Facebook, you name it, it's a time suck, and a major source of distraction.
Have you considered a meditation spot, or a serenity room? They're the perfect antidote to all the above, and taking your spouse there may be the very thing you both need to turn all that noise off.
Find a room you don't use much, an oversize closet will do, and furnish the space with utter simplicity--candles, soft lighting, softer music, maybe a water source like an indoor fountain.
Go there after work, or after the kids are in bed, and just enjoy each other.
3) Speaking of kids, the little darlings are another major source of distraction, and they often come between the two of you.
They won't appreciate it if you two treat each other harshly, or allow a tense atmosphere to persist.
So for everyone's good, make a point of spending time alone, and keep the kids at arms length.
Not easy, but necessary.
4) Be openly affectionate.
This, too, is a choice, and one that seems fraught with difficulty for a lot of people.
Men too often equate tactile overtures--even something as simple as a brush against an arm--as a sign that sex is the intent.
Women on the other hand would prefer just the affectionate hug or embrace, without expectation of anything more.
The dilemma grows as men expect too much and pursue sex, then their spouses withhold even the simple touch, so men can eventually get their only tactile feedback in sex, and the problem grows.
Women need to be more open about their needs, and men need to learn to listen better, especially to what their mates are not saying.
Often, affection is the need, not sex.
5) Laugh more often.
Even if you have to go to the joke of the day on the internet to find a real dog of a joke, do it every day, or find some reason to make your mate smile.
6) Whisper.
Nothing gets someone's attention like a soft, sexy whisper.
If all you want is attention, fine.
See number 4.
7) Take care of yourself.
No kidding, carrying too much weight is not only unhealthy, it's likely unattractive to your mate.
Too many people disregard their physical appearance once they're married.
This may be the biggest cause of disenchantment and divorce.
If your love life has suffered in the past few years, your weight may be the reason.
We did say simple steps, and losing weight isn't simple.
But it may be the best thing you can do for your relationship.
8) Meet for lunch.
This ritual seems to have gone away.
Too bad.
There's nothing more enjoyable than getting together in the middle of the day to reconnect.
There's another benefit to this, too.
Being seen together in public gets noticed.
That's a good thing.
9) The old fashioned total body rubdown is hard to beat.
Soft music, warm lotion, long, lingering massage can be the one thing your mate has needed for a long time.
Try it tonight.
10) Sex.
Okay, our romantic notions are never complete without physical contact in the bedroom.
Here's an idea, though.
Never be afraid to experiment.
Read a book.
Go on line and look for something new.
Be careful not to invite viral dangers into your computer.
Stick to tasteful, mature sites that cater to adults.
They're out there, just tough to find.
Or make it up yourself.
They say the brain is the sexiest organ there is.
It could be that the key to great romance is taking more time than you ever thought you would.
Your marriage is the most important aspect of your life.
Having real affection for each other pays off in so many ways it's hard to list them all.
You feel better, your friends notice and they feel better, your kids are happier, you'll be healthier, you'll enjoy each other more and perhaps the best part of all is, that people will wonder what you've been up to.
- William Shakespeare Would you like to have a more satisfying, more gracious, more affectionate marriage? Of course, who wouldn't? Here are ten simple steps to allowing that into your relationship with your spouse.
Married couples are reluctant to share their feelings with each other, and it's not just men holding back.
Women, too, have a high threshold of trust, and in either case, couples are skeptical about opening up, believing that they don't need it, or that their comfort level has been attained, and they don't want to be bothered.
But here are ten steps for increasing the level of satisfaction in your marriage.
Pick and choose as you wish.
The first thing you'll notice is that some of the steps are so simple as to be almost silly.
Anything memorable is what people take away.
1) Be nice to each other.
Simple enough? With all the disruption, uncertainty and busyness today it's far too easy to bring outside stuff into the home.
We find ourselves easily annoyed, irritable, wanting nothing more than to be left alone.
One thing to remember is that everything is a choice.
Next time you come in the house, make a conscious effort to imagine your spouse the day you married them.
Shut your eyes, go back five, ten, twenty years before, and picture them with you as you recited your vows together.
Could you be angry or upset with them that day? No? See, it is a choice.
Okay, open your eyes, smile, greet your mate as if you'd just said "I Do.
" 2) Simplicity.
See above.
The world is crazy busy.
It's too easy to get wrapped up in all the electronic, urban, job and urgent detail cacophony.
The computer.
Television.
Radio, Wii, DVD, NetFlix, YouTube, Twitter, MySpace, Facebook, you name it, it's a time suck, and a major source of distraction.
Have you considered a meditation spot, or a serenity room? They're the perfect antidote to all the above, and taking your spouse there may be the very thing you both need to turn all that noise off.
Find a room you don't use much, an oversize closet will do, and furnish the space with utter simplicity--candles, soft lighting, softer music, maybe a water source like an indoor fountain.
Go there after work, or after the kids are in bed, and just enjoy each other.
3) Speaking of kids, the little darlings are another major source of distraction, and they often come between the two of you.
They won't appreciate it if you two treat each other harshly, or allow a tense atmosphere to persist.
So for everyone's good, make a point of spending time alone, and keep the kids at arms length.
Not easy, but necessary.
4) Be openly affectionate.
This, too, is a choice, and one that seems fraught with difficulty for a lot of people.
Men too often equate tactile overtures--even something as simple as a brush against an arm--as a sign that sex is the intent.
Women on the other hand would prefer just the affectionate hug or embrace, without expectation of anything more.
The dilemma grows as men expect too much and pursue sex, then their spouses withhold even the simple touch, so men can eventually get their only tactile feedback in sex, and the problem grows.
Women need to be more open about their needs, and men need to learn to listen better, especially to what their mates are not saying.
Often, affection is the need, not sex.
5) Laugh more often.
Even if you have to go to the joke of the day on the internet to find a real dog of a joke, do it every day, or find some reason to make your mate smile.
6) Whisper.
Nothing gets someone's attention like a soft, sexy whisper.
If all you want is attention, fine.
See number 4.
7) Take care of yourself.
No kidding, carrying too much weight is not only unhealthy, it's likely unattractive to your mate.
Too many people disregard their physical appearance once they're married.
This may be the biggest cause of disenchantment and divorce.
If your love life has suffered in the past few years, your weight may be the reason.
We did say simple steps, and losing weight isn't simple.
But it may be the best thing you can do for your relationship.
8) Meet for lunch.
This ritual seems to have gone away.
Too bad.
There's nothing more enjoyable than getting together in the middle of the day to reconnect.
There's another benefit to this, too.
Being seen together in public gets noticed.
That's a good thing.
9) The old fashioned total body rubdown is hard to beat.
Soft music, warm lotion, long, lingering massage can be the one thing your mate has needed for a long time.
Try it tonight.
10) Sex.
Okay, our romantic notions are never complete without physical contact in the bedroom.
Here's an idea, though.
Never be afraid to experiment.
Read a book.
Go on line and look for something new.
Be careful not to invite viral dangers into your computer.
Stick to tasteful, mature sites that cater to adults.
They're out there, just tough to find.
Or make it up yourself.
They say the brain is the sexiest organ there is.
It could be that the key to great romance is taking more time than you ever thought you would.
Your marriage is the most important aspect of your life.
Having real affection for each other pays off in so many ways it's hard to list them all.
You feel better, your friends notice and they feel better, your kids are happier, you'll be healthier, you'll enjoy each other more and perhaps the best part of all is, that people will wonder what you've been up to.
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