It is very important that children contribute to the household.
Not only does it send an important message to our children - "You are a valuable member of this family and we count on you to make our family function" - but it gives them a sense of accomplishment and self-worth.
Studies also show that kids who contribute at home do better at school and are more responsible with their homework.
But how do we get our kids to help with chores around the house? How do you get started? Do you pay them, and how much? These are all common parenting questions that come up around the topics of chores and allowances.
How do you get started? Call a family meeting.
Announce that you are going to talk about each family member's contributions.
Start with Mom and Dad's roles.
Ask, "Who is going to pay the mortgage?" and write it down in Mom and Dad's column.
Then move on to who will pay the bills - electric, gas, phone, cell phone, Internet, grocery, etc.
Continue by asking who will shop for food, prepare food, etc.
Then, when the parents' list is nice and long, ask, "Who could set the table? Clear the table? Unload the dishwasher? Vacuum? Dust?" You will be surprised with how willing the kids are to volunteer and how they decide to split the shores up among the siblings.
One dad reported that his two boys, ages 6 and 9, argued about who got to take out the trash.
"I should, I'm older.
" "No, I should because you have more chores than I do," said the younger.
Another mom found out that her 7-year-old daughter was upset that Mom got a housekeeper, because she liked cleaning the bathrooms! How do you implement? One of the Love and Logic® parenting strategies that I teach goes something like this: Ask your kids to have their chore done by a specific deadline, like Friday dinner, tonight before bed, or before soccer practice.
Don't demand, "Do it now.
" After all, we don't like it when our bosses treat us like that! If the contribution is not done, then you say, "This is so sad.
I'm going to have to do something about this, but not now, later.
Try not to worry.
" Then let the kids worry while you take time to come up with a plan for a logical consequence.
Should you pay them? Don't pay your children for their contributions to the household.
You want the little voice in their sweet heads to say, "I'm doing this because I'm a valuable member of the family," not, "I'm doing this because I'm getting 5 bucks!" Should they get allowances? Yes.
Just like you give them books to practice reading, give them money to practice spending.
Just don't tie the allowance to their contributions.
The general guideline out there is $1 per year of age, so a 10-year-old child would get $10 a week.
However, you should do what makes sense for you, the child, and the family budget.
Then, let them spend it as they choose and pray they make some bad decisions and buy things that break easily.
Better they learn the lesson when the cost is low than later when the price could be significantly higher.
At what age can you begin? Start when your toddler is 2-3 years old.
That's the age when you can form an association between the job, fun, and you! Get the little guy to walk with his dad as he takes out the trash.
He gets a high five and a "good job" from Dad, and now he associates trash with love! At age 6-7, Dad can step out of the picture and the child still has the job and the fun! Parents who have tried the family meeting, contributions, deadlines and allowances report amazing stories of participation and cooperation.
Isn't it at least worth an experiment to see if these steps will get your kids to do the dishes?