The Image You Create of Yourself Might Hamper Your Friendships and Intimate Relationships
Many believe themselves to be who they are not.
They present themselves to others according to this image, thus manipulating others to think the person in front of them is caring, loving, attending, listening, while in fact this person is non of the above, and this image he/she has put on meant only to impress others, to get their love, and attention, to receive praise and admiration.
Take Mike for example: Mike, a man in his 50th, divorced with two grown up children, surrounds himself with women.
Actually, he can't be without having women all around him, admiring and adoring him.
His endless need to be loved and adored is rooted deep inside him, going back to his childhood, being brought up by parents who never uttered any positive words towards him.
Feeling unloved, he grew up with low self-esteem, feeling unsuccessful and rejected.
In order to compensate for these feelings, he developed - unconsciously - an image of a person who "is there for others"; "who cares for others' well-being"; "who supports others in whichever way he can".
Consequently, Mike lives his life spending hours listening to women "friends"; giving them money when he thinks they need it; visiting them in the hospital when they are hospitalized for one reason or another.
When you ask him how is life, he usually answers that "life is beautiful"; that "it can't be better".
And he then goes on to telling you about his last act of "altruism".
Mike is so unaware of what drives him to behave the way he does, that he continues bragging about his actions without realizing that he makes himself ridiculous.
And not only that: since he is totally unaware of his own needs which drive him to behave the way he does, and isn't aware how ridiculous his behavior and all his "statements" are, he doesn't even see and understand how all those women which he "helps" so much manipulate and abuse him "good heart".
And not only that; being unable to develop a serious intimacy with any of these women, he resorts to saying that he isn't interested "in any serious intimacy"; that he enjoys "having many-many women friends".
Being manipulated and abused means for him, he is being adored and admired; he is loved and appreciated.
Driven by his unending needs for love and appreciation, he runs away from his loneliness by filling his weekly schedule with endless meetings with women, some of which he admits "aren't interesting enough".
Yet, he doesn't dare to limit the number of "friends" or "acquaintances" he has: "the more the better", he thinks to himself, the more love and attention he thinks he gets the better he feels about himself and the more he is glued to the image he has formed about himself.
The sad side to this story is, unfortunately, that Mike devotes so much time to "be there for others" that he doesn't take time to be there for himself; that he doesn't take to time to understand what prevents him from having a truly intimate relationship; that he doesn't see how the image he created of himself and "sells" to those around him is the one which drives others to take advantage of him; that this image in the one responsible for him being unsuccessful in finding a woman with whom to create a successful intimacy.
Realizing the image you developed and present to others It is not easy to see the image we created of ourselves, understand its sources and the ways in which it sabotages ourselves and our relationships.
But if you feel that your relationships are stuck time and again, you may want to dig into the image you have created to yourself and present to others, and attempt to realize whether it does you more harm than good.
It takes courage to doing so, since it is likely that by you "live" with your image for years and years.
This is the only image you know of yourself.
But becoming aware of the image you have developed and realizing how it harms your attempts at relationships is of uttermost importance if you strive to better yourself and become empowered to develop a successful intimacy or, for that matter, a successful mutual relationship, where you will be appreciated for "who you are" rather than for the image you have created of yourself.
They present themselves to others according to this image, thus manipulating others to think the person in front of them is caring, loving, attending, listening, while in fact this person is non of the above, and this image he/she has put on meant only to impress others, to get their love, and attention, to receive praise and admiration.
Take Mike for example: Mike, a man in his 50th, divorced with two grown up children, surrounds himself with women.
Actually, he can't be without having women all around him, admiring and adoring him.
His endless need to be loved and adored is rooted deep inside him, going back to his childhood, being brought up by parents who never uttered any positive words towards him.
Feeling unloved, he grew up with low self-esteem, feeling unsuccessful and rejected.
In order to compensate for these feelings, he developed - unconsciously - an image of a person who "is there for others"; "who cares for others' well-being"; "who supports others in whichever way he can".
Consequently, Mike lives his life spending hours listening to women "friends"; giving them money when he thinks they need it; visiting them in the hospital when they are hospitalized for one reason or another.
When you ask him how is life, he usually answers that "life is beautiful"; that "it can't be better".
And he then goes on to telling you about his last act of "altruism".
Mike is so unaware of what drives him to behave the way he does, that he continues bragging about his actions without realizing that he makes himself ridiculous.
And not only that: since he is totally unaware of his own needs which drive him to behave the way he does, and isn't aware how ridiculous his behavior and all his "statements" are, he doesn't even see and understand how all those women which he "helps" so much manipulate and abuse him "good heart".
And not only that; being unable to develop a serious intimacy with any of these women, he resorts to saying that he isn't interested "in any serious intimacy"; that he enjoys "having many-many women friends".
Being manipulated and abused means for him, he is being adored and admired; he is loved and appreciated.
Driven by his unending needs for love and appreciation, he runs away from his loneliness by filling his weekly schedule with endless meetings with women, some of which he admits "aren't interesting enough".
Yet, he doesn't dare to limit the number of "friends" or "acquaintances" he has: "the more the better", he thinks to himself, the more love and attention he thinks he gets the better he feels about himself and the more he is glued to the image he has formed about himself.
The sad side to this story is, unfortunately, that Mike devotes so much time to "be there for others" that he doesn't take time to be there for himself; that he doesn't take to time to understand what prevents him from having a truly intimate relationship; that he doesn't see how the image he created of himself and "sells" to those around him is the one which drives others to take advantage of him; that this image in the one responsible for him being unsuccessful in finding a woman with whom to create a successful intimacy.
Realizing the image you developed and present to others It is not easy to see the image we created of ourselves, understand its sources and the ways in which it sabotages ourselves and our relationships.
But if you feel that your relationships are stuck time and again, you may want to dig into the image you have created to yourself and present to others, and attempt to realize whether it does you more harm than good.
It takes courage to doing so, since it is likely that by you "live" with your image for years and years.
This is the only image you know of yourself.
But becoming aware of the image you have developed and realizing how it harms your attempts at relationships is of uttermost importance if you strive to better yourself and become empowered to develop a successful intimacy or, for that matter, a successful mutual relationship, where you will be appreciated for "who you are" rather than for the image you have created of yourself.
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