Are Lesbians Socially Immature?
Dear Lesbian Life,
I have read with great interest many of your columns, in particular on where to meet quality women and why one is not meeting quality women. I have consistent experience with how lesbians respond to me I'd like to share and I'd be interested in your input.
I am a life-long, 60 year old, lesbian. I was in one relationship for many years and a couple shorter ones. I have been trying to find a romantic interest/partner/friends for years now. What I have been met with is a cliquish community that can give the CIA lessons in how not to be infiltrated! I am friendly, attractive, self-assured, have sexual energy I'm not afraid of, am outgoing and have judiciously done my homework on myself. I consider myself worthy of another woman's love and used to greatly anticipate this.
I have gone to dances, lesbian groups, said hello on the street, ask friends, gone to concerts, been to a couple private get togethers (rarely because I am clique-less and the embryonic membrane is impenetrable) and have been met with lesbians doing the quick eye dodge, turning away, saying no, being nice and not following up, being extremely shy, and fading into the sunset without me. Besides being myself, I tried being more friendly, less friendly, appear very interested, appear reserved, thinking my experience would change and I would meet lesbians for friends and meet the special one. Nothing changed. Then a light bulb went off and I thought, it may not be me. It may (uh oh, nobody's gonna wanna hear this!) be THEM!
Are Lesbians Afraid of their own Sexual Energy?
I think lesbians, as a whole at least in my metropolitan area, are afraid of their own sexual feelings and sexuality. I think they hide behind their lesbian clans the same way third grade girls stick with their groups of the moment and don't let the new girl in. This is basic social immaturity. I think they have not done their homework on themselves judiciously and are stuck with self doubt, not realizing they can create their own freedom and self-actualization. I think the lack of self-assurance is appalling in this day and age.
I have given up. This is extremely disappointing and makes me angry and sad. I also have been through a lot in my sixty years and know I'll get through these feelings in time. The great thing about doing my homework is gaining skills in handling life's disappointments. By the way, all my therapists have been heterosexual women and have, without exception, been exceptionally skilled and insightful.
I appreciate you being out there, Kathy, and being such a leader and role model in the lesbian community. I appreciate you being there to write this to, and reading it. If you give this any public exposure, please do not use my name.
Thank you,
Lost and, once again, found
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