Did your parents talk to you about sexuality? Fewer than one in four adults remember learning about sexuality from their parents.
Some of us received a "Big Talk.
" A parent sat us down at 11 or 12 years old to talk to us about our bodies, reproduction, and sexual intercourse.
Mom or Dad seemed uncomfortable; we knew we felt uncomfortable.
A generation later, most of us want to do a better job with our children.
Parents may not know how to talk to their children about sexuality, but they do want to talk with them.
More than eight in ten parents say it is an important responsibility.
Talking about Sexuality is More Than Teaching about Sex Yes, parents need to talk to their children about their bodies and how babies are made.
But we also need to teach our children about who they are as boys and girls and how they will grow up to be men and women.
Talking about sexuality includes discussing body image, friendship, families, gender, sexual orientation, and intimacy.
It is also about helping our children develop good decision-making, communication, assertiveness, and media literacy skills.
Look for 'Teachable Moments' The key is finding "teachable moments," those everyday events that give you easy opportunities to bring up sexuality issues.
Teachable moments for small children might include talking about bodies when you are changing them or giving them their baths, or introducing the idea of pregnancy when you see a pregnant neighbor in the grocery store.
Teachable moments for school-age children might be found in a TV show the family is watching together or an errand such as going to the pharmacy to pick up birth control.
Teachable moments for teens include talking about the messages in their favorite songs and helping them think through how they will handle pressure on dates and at parties.
A Simple Model for Discussing Sexuality Making the most of teachable moments, of course, may require some practice, and it's especially important to try to create a dialog.
The following three-part process can help parents accomplish this.
First, find out what your child already knows.
Taking the example of a small child's curiosity, for example, you might ask: "Honey, where do you think babies come from?" Second, clarify misinformation and give correct information: "No, babies don't come from a store.
A man and a woman can choose to begin a baby when they make love.
" And third, use it as an opportunity to give your values: "It's wonderful to have a baby when you are old enough to take care of it and love it.
" This three-part process works equally well with teenagers.
For example, you hear a sly comment about homosexuality on the radio while you are driving.
Your first step might be to ask, "Tell me what you have heard about homosexuality.
" Second, by way of clarifying facts, you might say this: "In every culture, some people are attracted to and fall in love with people of the same sex.
" The third issue is presenting your values.
For example: "In our home, we believe that gay men and lesbians should have the same rights as everyone else.
" With teenagers, it's especially important to develop the ability to have two-way conversations about these issues.
Ask them what they think; try to listen as much as you talk.
A Final Word Start looking for teachable moments, and you may find some opportunity arises nearly every day.
We can do better than our parents' Big Talk!