Even at age 52, I still get uptight walking into a high school.
It is hard to completely dismiss that sick feeling of getting taunted, shoved, pushed, lunch-robbed and generally heckled within the institution of education.
I suppose for an underweight kid, I held my own O.
K.
But, generally, I loathed my high school experience.
The stories about bullied youth are often tragic.
Some victims might find distraction in their studies, hobbies or some sports.
While others drop out, turn to drugs or even commit suicide.
The adults who consider being bullied as "part of growing up," really never had been on the receiving end for any length of time.
And these "zero violence tolerance" policies just give the bullies free reign in the school hallways and yard.
Nowadays, teachers lack authority and there are few policies protecting students.
You can pretty well sum up most bullies as losers trying to raise their status on the food chain by putting other people down.
Bullies can be the physically larger teen, the wise-guy jock, a gang or even a group of girls.
They will almost always seek out the isolated teen.
Namely, the teen new to the school, from a single parent family (often just a mother) or from a different cultural background.
Generally, it is the teen without some kid of strong "bonding.
" That is, they lack strong connections to friends, relatives or people of influence.
The bully often instinctively knows that there will be consequences if they pick on certain people.
Someone, whether they are an older brother or sister, a friend, an angry parent or neighbour will take notice and deal out some sort of pay back.
Even if the bully is too dumb to figure it out, he or she will find out pretty quick if they pick on the wrong student.
For instance, one of my friend's son was being pushed around at school until his older sister intervened.
Then his mother paid a few visits to the school and the bullying stopped.
Once it was established that the young guy was "connected," the bullies mostly left him alone.
The lone student, especially the child of a busy parent, can be preyed on again and again.
Holding one's own ground can either make the bully find another target or cause the bully to step up the bullying.
I found out that some guys backed off while some would go get their big, weight-lifting buddy to "put me in my place.
" But, by making the bullying more difficult, I was left alone for most of the school year.
Avoidance works for awhile, as long as you do not appear afraid.
Without their daily dose of ego-boosting, the bullies often look for other targets or get bored and occupy themselves with girls, drugs or whatever they do in their spare time.
You can slip by their radar by going to school a little earlier, later or take different routes home.
Keep them guessing.
If you cannot avoid the confrontation, pretend not to understand what they are saying.
It drives them nuts.
"What do you mean?" is a great come back.
Or a quick joke.
Or a "yeah, whatever, sure...
" It might confuse them or throw them into a rage.
At any rate, it buys you time.
If you do get attacked and cannot or will not defend yourself, it is important that you do not react or show your pain.
The bully likes to inflect pain and thrives on hearing a reaction from their victims.
You have to "suck it up" for the time being, so that you are "no longer any fun," for them.
Acting a bit insane works sometimes as well.
When approached by some thugs, a friend of mine used to talk to himself outloud.
The goons would always give him plenty of room.
I know some schools are crazy violent.
While working in the Queen Charlotte islands, there was a school near an unfriendly reservation where the white students would be swarmed or cut with knives if they ran into a conflict with a local resident.
In these kind of cases, the police had to make arrests (which did not do any good with the Young Offender's Act) or the parents just had to move.
From my own experiences, I made out best, by avoiding the wrong crowds, keeping my head down and studying and getting myself fitter.
I built my own confidence by becoming a paratrooper and learning kick-boxing.
I highly recommend that any picked on teen improve their health and fitness.
Not only does it boost your self-protection, but it also improves your self-confidence and self-discipline.
You will need this later in life as bullying continues outside of the high school and you need to be ready to deal with it.