Sexualized behavior in children can be very alarming to parents. It can cause parents to feel embarrassed and uncertain about how to address the issue. Worse yet, it can also cause a lot of anxiety for parents who wonder about the possible causes of sexualized behavior.

If your child is exhibiting some concerning sexual behavior, it’s appropriate to be concerned, but don’t panic. Instead, develop a plan to address the behavior and determine whether or not you’ll need to seek professional help.

Educate Yourself about Sexual Development

The first step in addressing sexualized behavior in children is to develop an understanding of sexual development. While it may be normal for a 3-year-old to reach down his pants, it’s not normal for a 13-year-old to be exhibiting the same behavior. Learning about age appropriate sexual development will help you determine whether or not your child’s behaviors are normal.
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Teach Appropriate Behavior

Young children don’t understand concepts about modesty and boundaries unless they are taught. Therefore, it’s important for caregivers to teach what behaviors are appropriate and what behaviors aren’t.

Young children should be taught about their own bodies and issues surrounding safe touch. They should also be given information about how to respond if someone tries to touch them in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable. Provide them with information to help keep them safe.

Kids should be given information that is appropriate for their age group.

For example, when a 5-year-old asks where babies come from, don’t give him all the details. Instead, answer with information that is appropriate to your child’s age.

Older children should be given more facts about the opposite sex and puberty as they mature. It’s important to develop an open line of communication to help children feel comfortable asking questions and seeking help when necessary.

Develop household rules that help children learn appropriate boundaries. For example, include a rule that says, “Knock on closed doors and wait for a response before entering,” or “One person in the bathroom at a time.”

Responding to Inappropriate Sexual Behavior

When inappropriate sexual behaviors occur, it’s important to respond in a non-shaming way. For example, if your 4-year-old reaches down his pants while you’re in the grocery store, remind him that it is inappropriate to do so in public. Teach him about the difference between private and public behaviors.

Respond calmly and avoid using words that may shame your child such as, “nasty” or “naughty.” If your child feels shame, he may feel like he shouldn’t talk to you if he has future questions about sex or his body.

Look for Warning Signs of a More Serious Problem

Look for warning signs that sexualized behavior might signal a more serious problem or may require professional intervention. Potential warning signs may include:

• Sexualized behavior that is not developmentally appropriate– For example, a 12-year-old trying to walk around the house naked is not developmentally appropriate.
• Coercive Sexualized Behavior– It is never appropriate for sexualized behavior to be coercive, such as a child trying to convince another child to engage in sexual activity by making threats or using aggression.
• Obsessive sexualized behavior- If a child focuses a lot of time and energy on sexualized behavior, such as being intent on trying to watch a sibling undress, is a red flag.
• Behavior that Doesn’t Respond to Discipline- If you have appropriately addressed sexualized behavior but it continues to happen repeatedly, it should be a cause for concern.
• Sexualized Behavior that Interferes with a Child’s Life- If behavior interferes with friendships, such as a child not being allowed back at a friend’s house due to trying to pull his friend’s pants down repeatedly, it’s a problem. It’s also a problem if sexualized behavior interferes with school and your child’s education.
• Sexualized Behavior that Shows Mature Knowledge of Sex- It’s a red flag when children have a mature knowledge of sexual behavior and they act on that knowledge. For example, a 4-year-old shouldn’t be imitating adult sexual activity and an 8-year-old shouldn’t be attempting to access pornography.

Reasons for Sexualized Behavior

There are many possible reasons for inappropriate sexualized behavior. Sometimes kids exhibit sexualized behavior because they just don’t understand that it’s not appropriate. However, it can also be a sign of a more serious problem.

Children who are exposed to sexual content are more likely to exhibit sexualized behavior. Sometimes sexualized behaviors are a warning sign that a child may have been sexually abused.

However, not all sexualized behavior results from sexual abuse. Children exposed to TV or movies that aren’t developmentally appropriate may begin to act sexualized content. Kids can be exposed to graphic images online or while chatting on the internet as well.
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Kids can also be exposed to a lot of sexual content by their peers. Older kids on the bus may tell sexualized jokes or kids may overhear peers discussing graphic material they’ve witnessed.

Seek Professional Help when Needed

Seek professional help for behavior problems if you’re concerned about your child’s sexualized behavior. Talk to your child’s doctor or a mental health professional to discuss your concerns and to determine if any other course of action may be necessary. A professional can conduct an assessment and make treatment recommendations to address sexual behavior problems.